She's Loving Him Still
by freedomnova
Summary: Seneca Mars still and forever would love Sirius Black, this is a story of how they met and fell in love and how all their choices brought them to where they are in the present. Can their love be tested through the hardest of times?
1. It all Comes Back

The wind was beginning to pick up the laundry hanging out on the line was starting to pull itself free. The women hurried out with a basket in hand to bring them in before the rain started or the wind ripped them free. She took them off one by one there wasn't much since she was the only one that lived in the little house. She didn't know many people, at least not anymore. She lived on her own in the woods in her little cottage, just trying to put her past away. Living here alone she could escape all the pain that was in her heart. She had never been one to run when she was younger, but ever since the night that turned her world upside down she never looked back as she ran. Ran from the event, ran from the memories, and ran from his side when he needed her most. For the most part she could push him and everyone she had once known from her past away, but as of the past few days she couldn't shake the images of her past. Even after all this time she still loved him, loved them and if she possessed the magic she would go back to them, go back to a time when they were all happy. She had learned to barely feel the pain inside of everything that happened, but there were times that she couldn't stop it from bubbling to the surface. In the past few days she had seen a dog around her home, a black dog that seemed to watch her. The dog made her think of him, and since that dog appeared she couldn't shake the memories of the past she had tried so hard to burry.

She could still hear remember times they shared, the times she promised him she would always stay by him. "My family hates me, My mother burned me from the family tree, I'm alone." She remembered him saying one night in the common room. "No" she remembered her self-saying to him as she looked deep into his eyes "No matter what you always have James, Remus, Peter, and Lilly" She remembered how much she wanted to say more, but couldn't bring herself to. "No" he had said, "James and Lilly are going to go off and get married start a family and the others will go off in their separate directions, I can already feel the Marauders slipping away." He looked down at the floor she remembered it took all her courage to look at him and softly say, "You have me as well, you will always have me." Until the day she died she would never forget his face, how he slowly looked up into her eyes with a soft smile on his face, then he carefully leaned in to kiss her. From that moment on she loved him with all her heart, yet when it came down to it she hadn't been there for him. The moment he had been taking to Azkaban for a crime she couldn't believe he committed she left him, she left everything. Ever since then she knew she would never forgive him for abandoning him in his time of need. She should have tried harder to clear his name. There was no way he could have sold out James and Lilly, she knew that, but she had no way to prove it.

He had changed from the man she had once knew, something snapped in him he was like a madman the last time she saw him. He wasn't making sense his hair was a mess he couldn't make a sentence and all he said was he was going to kill Peter then he flew from the house they shared. She later heard what happened and she had fallen for what the media said, she never went to visit him in Azkaban instead she fled to the woods where no one would know her and she lived as a muggle so no one could try and trace her magic. The last fourteen years she had lived this way, no magic was normal for her now. She missed her life the one she had lived long ago, but now she lived day by day her new life. Never once did she look at another man, forever she knew she would be his even if she hadn't stayed by his side even after all this time inside she loved him still and no one would ever be able to fill the hole he left.

"Why?" she whispered, "Why did you have to kill sell them out? Why did you have to kill Peter?" she knew he didn't physical kill James and Lilly but he had sold them out, why, she asked her self that everyday. He would have let he who most not be named kill him before he sold out James and Lilly, so why had he broken to the Lord? She wondered if her life had been threatened, but she didn't think he would have given up the Potters on that reason alone, he was an idiot with a hero complex. Even if He who must not be named and threatened her he would have just tried to protect her in some half thought of idiot plan that he and James always came up with back at Hogwarts, he wouldn't have just given up. Then little Peter, why had he killed little Peter? It pained her to realize that the mental health that ran in his family had come to him, he had lost his mind the same way his mother had lost hers and many his family members as well. Mental Illness was hereditary and the Noble house of Black tended to have mentally unstable members. Ever so often Dumbledore would write to her and try to convince her to come back to the wizard world and also he would write about the man she loved. He knew she wasn't strong enough to go to Azkaban herself and hold it together to see him so instead he went in her place without her asking and would write only small updates on her love.

The years that went by the letters went from bad to worse, with every letter he seemed to be losing his mind more and more, he was going more and more insane. Every letter broke her heart more and more; every letter hit her like ice water knowing she wasn't there for him. The last letter she received a little over a year said they were getting ready to give him the kiss, after that he would be lost forever. Dumbledore tried to tell her to visit before the kiss happened, but she didn't. She hadn't gotten a letter since, she assumed he had gotten the kiss and there was no longer anything to update on, or perhaps Dumbledore didn't think she deserved to know what happened to him anymore.

She was brought out of her thoughts by a sound in the woods, she her heart raced as she saw a black dog standing on the edge of the woods. She held her breath as she looked into the dog's eyes, for a moment the dog seemed so much like him, so much like the man she loved. Then it just turned and ran off into the woods disappearing as it always did. She slowly turned back to the clothing as she picked the last article of clothing off the line. She knew she was fooling herself, getting excited over a simple dog. She didn't notice the eyes of the animal on her, she didn't notice the animal leave the woods and walk up right behind her. She sighed as she picked up her laundry basket as she softly said allowed "Sirius I wish I could believe you were innocent." She turned around just as the animal turned from animal to man. She gasped and let the basket fall from her hands and covered her mouth with them. The basket hit the ground and let the clothing spill out.

"You?" her voice shook, as she couldn't believe who was standing before her, it was impossible that he was there with her now.

"Yes" he said with a smirk on his face "Of all the people in the world I thought you wouldn't fall for what everyone said, I thought you would have been true to the man you love?" the look in his eyes wasn't the look she remembered, the look was something so different then she had ever seen in him before. "And now you will pay for it." He smirked, as he knew what he was going to do with her, he had a plan after all.

"No please" she said to him, "Please don't"

"Don't scream there is no one around to save you." He took out a wand and pointed it at her "And don't try to run, because you won't get far."

A tear ran down her face as she realized she had been wrong all these years, everything she had thought had been a lie, and she had let it ruin her life, and the life of the man she loved.

"Peter please" she said as the wand was pointed right at her heart, she knew she could do nothing, she had no wand and even if she had her wand with her she hadn't done magic in years. She could feel her life flash before her eyes, every important moment both good and bad that brought her to this moment, to this moment where she was going to die just like James and Lilly had and it was all because of this man, all because of this rat.

OoOoOoOoOoOo

So what do you guy think? I got this idea from a song I heard on YouTube, tell me if you think I should continue. I have a long plan for this story if you all think I should continue on. English isn't my first language so I apologies for the poor grammar.


	2. Now I see you

17 years before…

"We won!" Sirius Black yelled as he and the other Gryffindor filed into the room with a huge smile on his face. James Potter followed him yelling the same thing. The pair was probably the loudest Gryffindor's in the whole house. Everyone was crowed around them cheering as they had just won a match against Slytherian. The girls surrounded the boys, but James wanted nothing to do with them his eyes were on the girl making her way through the crowed who gracefully wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him softly on the lips, "Good Game" she said to him a smirk playing on her lips. Sirius looked at them,

"Get a room!" he exclaimed to the couple as he accepted affection from the many Gryffindor girls. He never understood the concept of one girl the way James had. Not to long ago James had been on the same page of him, but then Lilly came along and James began to change from being very similar to Sirius to becoming someone completely different. There were some nights James didn't even go running with the pack anymore, all because Lilly didn't want him to. He accepted the girl into the group, but not without a little resentment that she was taking his best friend from him.

No one really took into account the girl that didn't go to the game; no one really ever took her into account. She was never a truly gifted witch and was often over looked. While her long blonde hair and beautiful feature could get her far she never really took time to make herself look the way guys likes. She always wore her glasses and often spent time alone. Her only friend was Lilly, but Lilly didn't really count she seemed to be everyone's friend.

"Sen!" Lilly called as she hurried over to the girl who was sitting on the couch "We won! You should have been there!" James sat down on the couch Lilly then sitting in his lap.

"Sorry" the girl said "I was to busy to go watch people parade around on brooms cheering on some stupid rivalry among the two houses."

"Aww Seneca it's not like that at all" James said "Not at all."

"Yeah Sen." Lilly told her, "It's all just fun and games." Lilly knew her friend wasn't into sports or much things that had to do with many people, but she tried every day to get the girl to put her self out in the world and not stay to herself. "Come out with us tonight" Lilly said more then asked "We are all going out to celebrate and please save me from being the only girl." James looked at Lilly surprised she invited Seneca; the girl wasn't the type to go out. "And I'm not taking no for an answer Sen." Lilly grabbed the girls wrist, places a quick kiss on James lips then hurried up to the their room dragging Seneca along with her.

"Lilly this is a bad idea." Seneca said while looking at the ground, "Didn't you see James's face when you invited me? He doesn't want me going a long and the other guys don't want me to go."

"Don't be silly Sen." Lilly said as she was already looking for something to wear.

"Lilly I don't have anything to wear and I wouldn't know what to wear if I even wanted to go." The moment the words left her mouth she knew she shouldn't have said that. Lilly's head popped up wit ha smile from ear to ear,

"Leave it to me!" she exclaimed as she pulled Seneca once again by the wrist. She sat her down in a chair facing a mirror and leaned over Seneca's shoulder. Lilly's long red hair spilled over Sen's neck as Lilly smiled, "By the time I'm done with you every guy will be jumping to have you hanging out with him." It took Lilly over an hour to do Seneca's hair and make-up and pick out something of her own for Sen to wear.

"Put these on." She said as she threw a cute tight black skirt and a form fitting white tank top to Seneca, "And this" she said she threw a jean jacket at her. "And hurry, the guys got tired of waiting so I sent them ahead to get us a table."

"A table?" Seneca asked, "Why a table?"

"I told you Silly." Lilly laughed to her friend as she pulled a shirt on over her head. "We are going out to celebrate, that means a dinner then after out dancing with the guys, I swear it will be fun."

"Says the girl with a boyfriend." She mumbled to her self as she put her glasses on.

"What'd you say Sen?" Lilly asked as she looked over to her friend, "Oh no, no Glasses." Lilly told her

"Fine." She said as she took the glasses off

"Oh come on you only need them to read, your fine." Lilly said as she ran a brush through her own hair making some finishing touches to herself. "Now lets go meet the boys."

"Yeah" Seneca mumbled she dreaded where they were going but she couldn't say no to Lilly, she wasn't giving her a chance.

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"She invited who?" Sirius asked James as the four boys sat down at the table.

"Seneca, Seneca Mars." James told him, he knew Sirius knew who he was talking about, but didn't want the girl to be going out with them.

"She's pretty." Peter said as he thought of the girl, unlike the other three boys Peter didn't have good looks to get him girls or a talent for anything. He didn't care when a girl didn't dress up all the time or wear makeup, he saw almost every girl as beautiful. Yet Sirius like usual ignored Peter.

"You have to be kidding me, of all the girls she invites her?" Sirius rolled his eyes, "Why would she even want to come and celebrate with us?"

"Lilly didn't get a chance to say no." James told his friend as he tried to silence him before the girls got there.

"Sirius just give her a chance." Remus said, "You never know maybe she will went up being your version of Lilly."

"As if" Sirius snorted, "Guys like me, don't end up with girls like Seneca Mars." As he spoke he hadn't realize Lilly and the girl walk up behind him, the other guys went quiet. Sirius slowly turned around when he realized they were behind him, and what he saw surprised him. The girl standing next to Lilly wasn't the awkward plain girl that he had known the last five years at Hogwarts. The girl that stood next to him took his breath away. He tried to speak but couldn't, that never happened to the great Sirius Black. Peter beat him to the punch and pulled out a chair for her, "He-e-ere" He stammered, "This seat is for you." Lilly walked and sat next to James, while Seneca sat down next to Peter across from Sirius who had yet to say a word. His mind seemed to race as he looked at the girl he had written off as plain. How had he over looked her? He didn't know.

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15 years later.

Sirius awoke in his cell his mind couldn't shake her. Perhaps that's the only thing that kept him sane the past thirteen years. The thoughts of the women he loved kept him going every day along with his transformations into his dog form. Every time it seemed to be to hard to carry on he would picture the first night he had fallen for Seneca. When it got hard he thought of everything they had gone through, his mind brought him back to the beginning with her. No one told him he was going to find her and have her to heal him, when he had lost hope of his future she was there to remind him that he would always have someone, he would always have her. In the darkness he could see him standing back at the beginning with her. He was supposed to be by her side through everything, through the war, through any storm that came there way. Their dreams were supposed to come true, just the two of them living every way they had ever imagined. Their love should have been strong enough to help them stay together, to keep anything bad from happening to him.

His dream had lasted for a short time with her, their life they had always wanted lasted two years, but to him it wonderful. He was able to experience the type of love he had never thought possible. She showed him that he could put aside the darkness of his family and all their sins and be a good man. Yet as he sat in the cell he couldn't help but fear the mental instability that pillaged his family. He could feel it creeping to him in the darkness trying to take his mind from him. And every time he felt like he was going to lose everything her smile saved him. He would hold on to one thing that he believed in one thing he knew was real. If he believed in anything he believed in her, in the love they shared. With the cold and Darkness around him he closed his eyes and let his mind leave the cell and fly back to her, fly back to a time they had been happy.

...

Ok I don't know if you followed, but it jumped into the past to when Seneca first fell onto Sirius radar, then jumped to Sirius in his cell 15 years after he had first began to fall for Seneca. When Sirius is in his cell it is still a little over a year before the first chapter happened.


	3. Lost and Insecure

Fireworks sounded and cheers could be heard through the streets. Everyone in the wizard world was celebrating. Today was the first free day in a long time, the Dark Lord was gone everyone had a reason to cheer, except those who knew the family that ended it all. Seneca looked around the house that she had shared with Sirius for the past two years. She stood in front of a mirror as she brushed her long blonde hair. It had been years since the first time Lilly did her hair and make-up; it has been years since Lilly taught her how to make herself look nice. Now here she was putting herself together for Lilly's funeral, Lilly and James' funeral. A tear slipped down her face as the cheers outside echoed through the walls. Everyone had a reason to cheer tonight, everyone but her.

"Why?" she whispered in the mirror as more tears began to fall from her eyes. "Why did it have to end like this?" Seneca didn't know how her life could continue on from here. She was alone, what could she do now with her life. She placed the brush she held in her hand down on the dresser in front of her. She slowly brushed away the tears as she attempted to pull her self together.

A knock at the door brought her to hurry and gather herself, Remus was here to pick her up for the funerals. She slowly walked to the stairs, by the time she reached them Remus had already let himself in. She walked down the stairs to meet him tears began to slide down her face as she saw him. He looked so different, more tired, more worn. He had been alone for the past year as Sirius convinced everyone that Remus had been the Dark Lords little solider, when in reality it had been Sirius. The Marauders and she had turned from him. It had only been Lilly who still believed in him, Lilly the girl with the heart of gold refused o give up on him. She had been right all along, and seeing Remus now showed Seneca that she had trusted the wrong person, that because she and the others fell for a traitors words Remus was the one to suffer. As she reached the bottom of the stairs a sob escaped her lips, to her surprised Remus walked over and wrapped his arms around her and held her tight to him.

"I'm so sorry." She sobbed into his chest, "I'm so sorry."

"Shhh." Remus soothed her, "It's alright." He held the girl close to him as she sobbed he knew she had lost a lot the night before, and he didn't blame her for turning from him. In Remus's eyes he was lucky that he had the friends that he had even if they turned from him, they had given him the friendship he needed as a child.

"I should have never believed him, Remus I'm so sorry." She continued as her sobs began to lessen.

"You had every right to believe the words he said, you loved him you had no reason to doubt what he said."

"Your to understanding, to forgiving." She whispered to him.

"Lets get to the funeral, we are going to be late." He said as he took her by her hand and led her from the house. He wasn't too forgiving he knew that. He forgave her because she had done nothing wrong, but he knew if he ever saw Sirius Black again he would kill him himself.

Seneca followed Remus out the door, she paused as she looked into her home knowing all to well she wouldn't be able to live her anymore, everything here reminded her of him and the life they had along with the life they could have had. The life that would be no more.

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><p>Lilly and James did most of the talking as the six people sat at the table. Peter was almost to shy to speak to the new girl and Remus never really spoke much unless spoken to. Sirius's for once was quiet; he wasn't making remarks like he usually did about people around them. His was captivated by the girl that he had over looked so much, perhaps one of the only girls that never sought him out. He had always let it go, the fact she wasn't like the other girls fanning over him, but here was this beautiful girl sitting in front of him and for the first time in his life he could feel that he wasn't all she saw. He had been out with many girls and in their eyes he could tell they wanted him, he could tell they would do anything for him, yet this girl hardly even looked at him and when he did catch her eyes she seemed more repulsed by him.<p>

"So Sen." Lilly said braking the silence, "What do you think about this place?"

"It's nice" Seneca replied as she looked back down at the menu. She didn't feel comfortable being with such a large group that she hardly knew. Sure she had grown up with them, gone to classes with them all thought Hogwarts, but the only one she really talked to was Lilly. Now here she was sitting next to Peter and Remus and in front of Sirius hardly knowing how to act around them. She had always stayed to herself so how was she to know what to do now? What to say? She silently cursed Lilly for dragging her out here tonight. Seneca looked up at Sirius whose eyes were still on her. It made her uneasy his eyes on her. She knew what he was thinking, things like why was she there? Who was she to think she could sit with him? After all she pretended like she hadn't heard him as her and Lilly walking up arguing with James not happy at all that she had tagged along.

"Your Pretty" Peter finally said when no one else was talking. Every one turned to look at Peter who now had turned bright red not meaning to say what he had just said.

"Uh thanks." Seneca said to him with a smile to him, he had always seemed too nice to hang out with this crowd of boys.

"Idiot" Sirius said with a grin playing on his face, "That's not how you tell a girl she looks nice."

Without thinking Seneca without looking up from her menu replied to Sirius, "And you would know."

Sirius who raised his eyebrows now intrigued by the girl, "I beg to differ, I have many women always going for what I say, you can't argue with my numbers." He smirked at her knowing he could easily get her as well if he wanted to.

"That's different." She replied as she looked up at him, "You see the girls you get are already throwing themselves at you, you don't really have to work for them or flatter then in any way." She paused for a moment then continued, "You only get the girls you do because of the way you look and your talent in magic and your name, but I doubt you could get a girl that you actually had to work for."

Sirius was taken back by the girl, the only person, the only girl that talked to him that way was Lilly, but here was this girl he had never talked to telling him this. "Your just upset girls like you don't end up with guys like me." He said looking her strait in the eye.

"As if." She said with a glare, "girls like me don't like fools like you."

"The chicken looks good right?" Remus asked trying to brake up what ever was going on between the two, "What do you guys think? Chicken or Steak?"

"Fool?" Sirius snorted ignoring Remus, "I'm no Fool, love"

"Don't call me love, and I believe you are, you think you can get by on your good looks and your talents, but at some point you are going to want something real and you won't be able to have it."

"And why is that, I can get any girl I want."

"Yes I think you can have most any girl you want, but that's now what real is." She paused for a moment to think of the right words. "You see in the end you aren't going to have any real connections, I mean look at James, he and Lilly have something real, Remus and Peter are both really nice guys who I'm sure will find their special someone, but you, you're a man-whore who only cares about what his next conquest is. You can't find something real jumping from one girls pants to the next."

She silenced Sirius, he didn't argue with her, already he could feel James slipping away with Lilly and he knew all to well that the other two when they found a girl they would stick to one girl perhaps fall for those girls and leave him as well. He had already begun to realize that it wasn't how it used to be. He wasn't fulfilled anymore with a new girl every few nights. As he looked at the feisty blonde in front of him he knew she was right, that he couldn't argue with her. He didn't realize it then this would only be the first of many arguments they shared that he wouldn't be able to argue with her, that she would be right. As he looked into her eyes something snapped in him, something that told him he would make this girl his, that perhaps she could be the girl that could finally tame him.

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><p>James, Lilly, and Peter's funerals all went by with many tears of those that loved them. To Seneca they went by in a blur, she felt numb inside. She stood in front of their home looking at what used to be their house. Her insides seemed to be ripping inside her. She was cold she couldn't shake the feeling that she would b numb forever. She was sad and frustrated at how it all ended like this.<p>

"Let it go." Remus whispered as he walked up behind her placing his jacket over her shoulders

"I can't" She whispered, "how am I going to go on? Sirius was the only that was always there for me, and Lilly she was there for me when Sirius wasn't." no more tears fell from her eyes, they all seemed spent from the day. "How am I to let it go when I no longer have anyone left. They are all gone, all of the Remus."

"Yes they are, they were my friends as well, but you still have me." He told her with his hand on her shoulder. He knew he wouldn't be there for her always, as he knew he liked to be alone in the past year he had grown accustomed to being alone he didn't know how much help he would be to her.

"I turned from you a long time ago Remus, why would you be here for me now?" she said as she turned to face him.

"Because you are my friend and you were blinded by love, I can't blame you for that. Sirius had everyone tricked even me." He looked at her she looked tiered and worn today had been hard on her. "Even I fell for it, I thought he was only trying to protect James and Lilly so when he grew suspicious of me I thought it best if I just disappeared. I knew James and Lilly would refuse to give up on me and I feared it would drive a wedge in their relationship with Sirius, I believed with all my heart that Sirius was only working in the best interest of the two." Remus looked at the ground, "Perhaps if I had stayed it could have ended differently."

"We were all fooled." She repeated his words as she turned back to the house, "What about Harry?" she asked as she looked at the hole to where the nursery was.

"Dumbledore has sent him to live with Lilly's sister." Remus told her

"But why? I am his god mother he should be my responsibility." Seneca said as she turned once again to look at Remus.

"He said Harry is safer there, something about he is the safest with Lilly's sister do to love."

"But she will never love Harry, I've met her she is a horrible women."

"Who are we to doubt Dumbledore, perhaps he knows something we don't." he told her, "Plus your in so state to care for a baby."

Seneca knew he was right, she wasn't in a state to take care of little Harry and she doubted she ever would be.

"I should be going." She said to him.

"Where will you go?" Remus asked her concerned,

"Away." She replied "Away from all this, I no longer want to be part of this world, I will find a place where there isn't a constant reminder of his betrayal and the pain of losing them."

"If you ever need me Sen, I'm only a call away." Remus said as he turned and walked away leaving his jacket around her shoulders as he left.

He disappeared from sight, the last time Seneca saw him was that night. They didn't stay in contact with each other. Neither realized that perhaps they were the only two in the world that could make each other less lonely. That they were the only two that shared the same loss. Perhaps if they had realized both of their lives would have turned out different.

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><p>So what do you guys think? Still like it? The next chapter will pick up with more from them still in Hogwarts and how the two fell for each other. The next chapter should be more in Hogwarts and less after Sirius "betrayed" them. Please Review and give me some feed back I have so many ideas for this story I'm still sorting some of them out.<p> 


	4. The Broken Girl

I have put the rating up to M do to Seneca's past that I am now putting into this chapter. So this is the heads up that this story is now rated M.

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><p>After Seneca had bested Sirius in an argument everything went smoothly, Sirius didn't talk much. Instead she spent her time talking to Remus and Peter. She actually enjoyed her night getting to know them, the only person she could have done without would have been Sirius Black.<p>

"You know I think he likes you." Lilly said breaking her from her thoughts, "I mean he couldn't stop looking at you."

"Who?" Seneca asked unsure of which _he_ Lilly was referring to. Perhaps it was Remus Lupin she had actually taken to him that dinner, he was kind and different from the other boys. His smile was shy but some how it captivated her.

"Sirius of course" Lilly said with a laugh, his eyes never left you.

"Sirius?" Seneca laughed his name "You have to be kidding me, he was the one complaining to James that I was coming along, don't you remember?"

"Sure but that's him being him, once you get past-" Lilly paused "Well his." She couldn't seem to find the word she was looking for "Once you get past his attitude, he's a really great person. You have to take into account his family doesn't always get along with him, really the only family he considers family is James and his parents, he's never really been loved, perhaps you can tame him the way I tamed James."

"Tame? Really Lilly" Seneca said as she pulled on her nightgown, "You can't tame men, James is just whipped, and there is no way Sirius Black is in to me, and if he was by any out of this world chance, I don't return the feelings."

"Really?" Lilly asked, "Everyone fancies him at one point or another, even I have at one point."

"If I had to pick out of those guys I would pick Remus, there is something about him, and he's different from them." Seneca said with a smile, and then she frowned "And Sirius Black is just some idiot who thinks the world is at his feet."

"I think you two would be good together." Lilly told her as she climbed into bed, "And I'm good at knowing these things, I bet you two will end up together one way or another."

Seneca laughed "Ok there is two things wrong with what you said, how would he and I ever be good from each other, we come from two different worlds, and two I'm going to make sure it never happens just to prove you wrong." She climbed into bed as well and laid down shutting her eyes with every intention to prove Lilly wrong.

"We will see" Lilly said with a smile as she closed her eyes.

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><p>"How in the bloody Hell did Lilly turn her into that?" Sirius asked as he lay back on his bed, "How could someone so plain turn into someone so-" he looked at James "How did I over look her?"<p>

"Perhaps because she never takes the time and day to look like she didn't just wake up," said to him.

"Yeah" Sirius said "I mean if she actually ran a brush through her hair for once I could really see myself with her."

"Pad foot do you always have to be so shallow?" asked Remus "She's beautiful the way she is you shouldn't want someone to change."

"Mooney come on get off your high horse, you haven't spoken to her before tonight either when she was plain Jane even you ignored her." Sirius snorted at him.

"I'm not on a high horse, I'm just saying if you want to win her over you are going to have to learn to like her plain Jane self as well, because you will have no chance with her if you only want her to look good."

"Why do people always give me lectures on my love life? I know how I want to live."

"I doubt it Pad foot" Remus told him, "You are just confused yourself, you don't know what you want."

"Guys it late" James said, "Go to sleep" he laid down on his bed, "And Sirius if you go after her and hurt her I won't hear the end of it from Lilly, so don't think about just screwing her and leaving."

"Maybe I want more then just that, maybe I want a relationship." He waited for an answer, but he was only answered with the other boy's laughter.

"Yeah you want a relationship" James said in between laugher, the other boys laugh echoed with his.

Sirius sat up and looked at the others "Hey I can have one, I can get her to want to be in one with me, and it will be successful, just watch. Relationships are easy."

"Good Luck with that Sirius" James said "Good Luck with that."

* * *

><p>"She must be broken." Sirius said sitting next to the other Marauders, "She strikes down everything I try!" he tossed his books next to him as he pulled some food on to his plate, "No girl has been willing to with stand my charm, and now here it is a week and she still hasn't said yes to me!"<p>

"Maybe you're not her type." James said without looking up from his homework that he was doing.

"Not her type? I'm everyone's Type" Sirius said to his friend.

"And that's the reason she's going to keep saying no." Lilly said sitting next to James, she kissed him on the cheek then turned to look at Sirius. "You see there are two reasons she is saying no, and that is one because she hates your superior attitude and you I can get anyone I want your lucky I'm talking to you tone of voice, and two because I said she would end up with you and now she wants to prove me wrong."

"Do you saying the only reason she is saying no to me is because she wants to prove you wrong?" He smirked at Lilly

"That's not what I said Sirius, you need to check your attitude and prove yourself to her."

"Prove myself?"

"Just take it from me, she's had a hard life, perhaps you can be her prince charming."

"Prince who?"

"Never mind it's a muggle thing." Lilly said forgetting he had grown up with different stories, she didn't know about the princes that always saved the girl. "What I'm saying is you have to earn her trust, earn her she is far better when any girl you have ever been with and unlike them she won't jump for you, instead you have to jump for her and perhaps somewhere along the line she will jump with you."

"Your Strange Evens."

"Perhaps, but she's my best friend, trust what I say." Lilly said with a smile. She could see through Sirius exterior, she could see he wanted nothing more then to be loved. His family all turned from him he pretended like he didn't care, but she could tell it affected him more then he let on. Some how she just knew he would be good for Seneca, like she had said earlier she had a hard life. Her father used to beat her and he had even forced himself on to her many times taking her innocents from her. From the time she was five until she was nine before child services found out and took her away from him. It just so happened she was placed into foster care with Lilly's family, she had been so guarded back then Lilly had ended up being her only friend. As they grew up they both happened to get letters to Hogwarts and they went there together. Seneca seemed to improve from her past and push it away, but a part of her still was affected by what her father had done to her. That's why she never tried to make herself appealing to men, she didn't try to do anything to please any male, Lilly wondered if she would ever get past what her father had done to her. Something told Lilly that Sirius could show her everything was going to be ok, some how Lilly knew that both Seneca and Sirius who had been hurt by their families could be there for each other.

"Trust me Lilly I know how to get girls." Sirius said to her

"Well your proving yourself right by how close you are to getting Seneca." Lilly told him with a smirk that only earned her a glare from Sirius.

"Lilly." Seneca said as she walked up and sat next to her "Can you help me either my home work? I'm just not getting this spell."

"Of course Sen." Lilly said as the girl sat next to her.

Sirius smiled and slid down the bench from sitting in front of James to now sitting in front of Seneca.

"You know Sen I can help you with that, I'm brilliant." He said a smirk playing on his face. He looked at the girl who had her long blonde hair pulled into a pony tail, she wore no make-up and wrinkles were in her robes, but some how all he saw was the girl that sat at the table a week ago. He could still see her as she had been that night even now when she looked like she just rolled out of bed.

"I much rather Lilly help me, and don't call me Sen, only my friends can call me that." She snapped at him, in the last week he had pushed every button she had, she didn't want to have him deal with him now.

Remus sat down next to Sirius "Hey Sen." He said with a soft smile

"Hey Remus." She said smiling back at him before turning back to Lilly and her homework

"If you need help Sen I can help out too since we are in the same class." Remus told her.

"Wait why is he able to call you Sen?" Sirius asked

"Because he's my friend." Seneca snapped at him "And yes Remus I would love that."

"Can I speak to you alone?" Sirius asked as he stood up and dragged Remus away from the table. "What are you doing Mooney?" he asked

"What?" Remus asked "What do you mean what am I doing?"

"Oh if you need help Sen I can help you out because we are in the same class." Sirius mocked "Due I called dibs on her what are you trying to do snipe her from me?"

"I'm not trying to do anything Sirius, just help out, Lilly isn't in the class but she is still trying to help her it would be better for me to help Sen."

"You sure you don't want her because she seems pretty smitten with you?"

"Oh come on Sirius you know me, I don't want a girl right now my life is to messed up, I'm not about to go after a girl and expose her to all my problems."

"Well technically you only have one problem, one big problem not many problems." Sirius said with his smirk

"Shut up" Remus said with a bit of a laugh. "Now lets go back to the table my food is getting cold."

"Alright, just when you helping her out put in a good word for me ok?" He said as they walked back to the table

"Sure but I don't know how much I can do before the Christmas break." he said as they approached the table.

"Just do you best." Sirius added as he sat down and began to eat his food trying to figure out a way that he could get Seneca to see him as a friend. How was he so different from Remus? He needed to find a way to get her to see him as more then a friend, but how? This girl really did make him think; think more then he had ever about a girl before.

* * *

><p>Next chapter will be their Christmas break I have many plans for it so stay tuned. I know I'm updating fast, but I didn't go out to the frat house tonight and all my friends did so I can't stop myself, I may have another chapter up tonight now that the idea for the next chapter is fresh in my head.<p> 


	5. Where it Begins

"Keep your creepy things on your side of the room you freaks." Petunia said with a snarl in her voice. She hated her sister and the foster girl for being what they were, she didn't understand why her parents embraced it so well, they were disgusting, they were weird so far from normal.

"Come on Tuney" Lilly said, "Why do you have to act like this every time we come home."

"Because it is nice when your gone to be an only child, then you two come back and I have to share one room with two freaks." Petunia crossed her arms stuck up her nose and stormed out of the room.

"Oh its so nice to be home." Seneca said rolling her eyes.

"She'll eventually come around." Lilly said shrugging her shoulders, "So you'll never guess what mom and dad agreed to." Lilly said a smile spreading on her face that half seemed excited, yet half seemed more like a sly smirk.

"What?" Seneca said growing uneasy.

"That James could come spend the holidays with us." She said the happy/sly smile still on her lips.

"That's good, I guess." She felt like there was going to be more and something told her she wouldn't like it.

"And he's brining-"

"Oh no he's not!" Seneca said standing up from where she was kneeling unpacking her trunk.

"Sirius" Lilly continued ignoring her, "He spends all the holidays with James and he couldn't be turned away to go spend it with his own family, they are just horrid, so I invited him too, mom and dad said they could share the guest room."

"You have to be kidding me!" Seneca said sitting down on her bed, "I can't even get away from him here? I mean come on for four years I'm invisible to him and now he won't leave me alone." She sighed "So how long do I have until he-"

"Lilly, Seneca your boyfriends are here!" Mrs. Evens called.

"He's not my boyfriend." Seneca yelled down the stairs

"Alright honey, well they are here." Their mother called back noticing the annoyance in Seneca's voice. Lilly on the other hand hurried down the stairs as fast as he legs would carry her, she threw her arms around James neck and kissed him. Seneca followed slowly and only reached the top of the stairs to watch Lilly kiss James.

"Do I get a greeting like that?" Sirius asked a playful smile on his face his eyes on Seneca.

"In your dreams." She snorted as she walked down the stairs

"Yes." He agreed the smile still on his face, he knew he was going to use

"Ew" Seneca said as she walked past him trying her best to ignore him she walked to the doorway that lead from the front door and stairway into their living room and leaned on the frame.

"So how was your trip?" Lilly asked

"It was fun we took a-" James paused and looked at Sirius for help "Oh what was it we took again."

"A Taxi" Sirius told him.

"Yes" James said with a smile "A Taxi from the train station, it was very interesting."

"Yes" said Sirius, "and we saw a-" he thought for a moment "a motorcycle, me and James want to get one."

"Oh no you don't James." Lilly said with a frown " those thinks are bloody dangerous."

"Well the boss said no James so it looks like I'm the only one getting one." Sirius smiled "Unless you don't want me to love?" he asked looking and Sirius.

"As if" she glared "I could care less if you went and crashed one of those bloody machines."

Lilly just shook her head "Sirius enough, let me show you to the room you two will be sharing." She could see a remark on Sirius's lips but she knew he wouldn't make a remark now that he mother had just walked into the room. "Follow me." Lily led the boys upstairs to show them the room. Once up stairs Sirius and James both looked at the one bed.

"Would your parents mind if we used magic to make two twin beds out of this one?" James asked, "As long as we promise to put it back this way when we are done?"

"I'm sure they won't mind." Lilly said shrugging her shoulders.

James smiled and uttered a spell to separate the bed, only to hear Petunia shriek the words "Freaks" as she walked by.

"Your sister I presume?" Sirius asked "the one who hates our kind?"

"Yes" Lily said looking out the door way "She doesn't like the magic thing so we try and keep it to a minimum, try and remember that Sirius ok?"

"Why did you single me out? I'll be on my best behavior."

"Because I know James won't just try to push her buttons." Lily told him "so don't me and Sen have to deal with her."

"I won't I promise." He said rolling his eyes, "Now what do we do?" he asked, "Where is Sen?"

* * *

><p>Sirius could feel the air outside his cell; he could tell in was winters now close to Christmas. He wished he could spend it with her. Tonight he was dreaming about their first Christmas together, he would give anything to go back to that time. Every night he thought of her, every bone in his body missed her. He cursed the day that he left her and he cursed the person that drove him away, Peter had ruined his life in so many ways, it was worse then he ever imagined and every day it got harder. Harder to go on with his sanity, harder to hold on to her, her laugh, her smile, her eyes, her beautiful blonde hair. He cursed the day that he was sent away, he hoped one day his exile would be over, maybe one day Peter would be found and he could return to her. Perhaps one day he would be able to move on from his past and hold her close to him once more. He prayed that one day their pain and heart ace behind them, they could go back to the peace they once had that they could find a happy place to live and continue their story. He hated to think their story ended like this, that this was where they would end, that he would die here and she would be lost to him forever.<p>

He slowly sat up and looked out the window at the night as snow began to fall, tonight the night sky reminded him of his Seneca. When he dreamed she was all he saw, she was all he dreamed about, the love and the meaning she held to him was more important then anything. The snow always reminded him of her, of their story, and every night he would think of her. She was all he held dear to him, all he had left to think about to keep his humanity. She hadn't disserved the life he left her, she needed someone to always look out for her, she always needed someone to protect her to stand by her side and hold her hand. Yet he had left her all alone in the world. He only hoped someone had been able to hold her in his place. Even though he dreamed of returning to her he knew he would never get the chance, he would never be able to find the peace to be with her again. He would never hold his Seneca again, he would never get to watch her dance in the snow, and he would never hear her laugh again. Yet perhaps someone was able to create a story with her, he wanted nothing more then her to be happy he hoped somewhere she was, he hoped somewhere she felt safe.

Sirius broke away from the window as he sat back down on the ground. He cursed the day that he left her, he cursed the person that drove him away, its was worse then he ever imagined, it got harder each day to keep himself sane. Everyday he grew weaker he saw her getting farther away, sometimes he wondered if he even knew what she looked like anymore. If it wasn't for transforming into a dog he didn't know if he could still remember her. With all his heart he hoped he would never forget her, but he wondered if his love for her was strong enough to even take on the Dementors.

He put his head down on his pillow as he let himself forget where he was and imagine he was back with her in their peaceful home, he was back with her, his Seneca, their story and him. Together like it was always meant to be.

* * *

><p>"Would you leave me be?" Seneca growled at him "Just because you tagged along with James doesn't mean I have to entertain you."<p>

"Oh come on James and Lily went to the you know movie things." Sirius said "And don't know any of the muggles around here, your all I know."

"And that's my problem why?" She snapped as she walked down the street with him tagging alone, she had separated from Lily and James at the movies hoping to get away from Sirius, but he had ended up tagging along with her. "Listen I'm going to go do muggle things, that you don't want to do, just got watch the movie with the others and leave me be." She snapped at him as she stormed away. Sirius glared after her he was getting tired of chasing her. He watched, as she got farther away without moving towards her. He watched a car pull up next to her, he watched her face fall as she looked in the window, something told him that he should go help her, but he ignored it, after all she didn't want him involved. He watched the driver side door open as a man got out. He was about to turn away when he saw Seneca drop her bag and take a step back. The man grabbed her arm and pulled her to him, nothing sat right with him he broke into a brisk run to get to her, to get her away from this man. As he approached could hear the man talking to her,

"You thought you could get away from me you little whore." The man pushed her up against a wall, "Well think again, I can't wait to have you to myself once more." He put his hand around her throat to hold her still.

"Let go of her!" Sirius yelled as he grabbed the man roughly and threw him to the ground. The Man stood up and attempted to punch Sirius, but he was young while the man was older, he dodged it without really trying. He then punched the man who fell to the ground again, "Get out of here before I do worse." He growled at the man. The man stood and hurried to his car, right before he got in he yelled to them,

"Don't think is over my girl, when your alone I will bring you back." He got into his car and drove away leaving Seneca now sitting on the ground stunned by what just happened. He was back, her father was back and he wouldn't give up. All the magic she had learned in Hogwarts all went out the window when he was near, she felt like the helpless child she had been when he hurt her last time. If Sirius wasn't there she feared what could have happened, what would have happened.

"Are you alright love?" he asked her as he knelt down to look at her, she had a bruise forming around her eye where Sirius assumed the man had hit her.

She didn't say a word; a sob was the only thing that came from her lips. Sirius held her while she cried, he assumed she was just scared by the random man, he had no idea this was the man that struck fear into her heart, the man who haunted her dreams. "Shhh" he soothed "Everything is going to be ok, he can't hurt you not while I'm around, no one can hurt you while I'm around.

* * *

><p>It was late by the time Sirius got Seneca home, she had insisted that she didn't want to go home while she was upset, she also refused to tell him why she couldn't stop shaking. Sirius guessed there was more to what just happened then he saw, the girl was so shaken up he knew if wasn't a simple attack, it was more then that. He took her to a café where she cleaned up while he got them drinks that had names he couldn't even say. He sat down at a table and waited for her, when she sat down with him they simply just talked, nothing about what just happened just talked for the first time. He didn't hit on her, or bring up some pompous thoughts of himself. Instead she listened to him talk about his family, the noble house of Black, and of how much he was ashamed of where he came from. She listened to him, and for that moment she was able to see what Lily often spoke of.<p>

When they carefully opened the door trying to not wake anyone in the house they were disappointed when the lights flew on, there was James and Lily, along with Mr and Mrs. Evans there waiting for them.

"uh" Sirius said as everyone looked at them walking thought the door, "Sorry we're late we got hung up."

"Where have you been young lady?" Mr. Evans said to Seneca "Do you have any idea how worried we were when you stormed off this earlier?"

"You stormed off this earlier?" Sirius asked, yet Seneca didn't answer him, instead she answered her parents.

"I'm sorry but once you told me I had to get some air to think." She told them

"Think about what?" Sirius asked having a feeling it had something to do with what had happened earlier.

"Nothing." Seneca told him. "Now if you don't mind I'm going to bed I had a long day." She moved forward exposing her eye to the light, Mrs. Evans gasped,

"What happened to you eye, and why are there hand marks around you neck?" She turned to glance at Sirius, "Did this boy do this to you?"

"No" Seneca said tears forming in her eyes, "He found me"

"Who?" Mrs. Evans said.

"Who do you think? If it wasn't for Sirius I wouldn't have come home tonight, so please just let me go to bed." Seneca didn't wait for a response she hurried up the stairs. Mrs. Evans gasped as she realized who attacked the girl she loved as if she was her own daughter. Lilly hurried up the stairs after Seneca Knowing all to well that the girl needed someone right now, that she shouldn't be alone. She stopped at the bottom of the stairs for a moment "Thanks Sirius for saving her from him." Then she took off up the stairs.

Sirius turned to look at James, "What's going on?"

"I have no idea." James said, "What happened?"

"I just saved Seneca from some big middle aged man who was trying to mug her."

"I have a feeling it was bigger then that." James said looking up the stairs

"Yeah you think?" Sirius said worried about Seneca and wondering what had really just happened.

* * *

><p>"Sen?" Lily said as she walked into the room, "Are you alright." She could hear Seneca sniffle and wipe away a tear,<p>

"Yeah I'm fine" she hear her whisper

"Then why are you crying?" Lily asked as she sat down on the bed that Seneca was laying on.

"I thought I was safe, I thought I could live on without him showing back up, but he's back Lil, he's back and if it wasn't for Sirius I would hate to think where I would be right now."

"Well don't think like that." Lily told her "Don't think about where you could have been, just think about where you are now, safe and at home, he can't hurt you here."

"What's stopping him? Seneca said more tears falling down her face.

"Well I don't know, one he would have to go through me first, but you have to take into account he is only a muggle, and in this house right now we have two of the most powerful Wizards of our Generation, do you really think James or Sirius would let anything happen to you?" Lily said as she lay down behind Seneca and wrapped her arms around her. "As long as we have them no matter what we are safe. James won't let anything happen to me, and Sirius won't let anything happened to you."

"He can't hurt you while I'm around." Seneca repeated Sirius's words "No one can hurt you while I'm around."

"What?" Lily asked confused.

"That's what Sirius told me after he saved me." She paused "That I'm safe with him."

"Then you are, he may be a hot headed pompous jerk Sen, but he is a powerful hot headed pompous jerk." Lilly told her

"Yes, well like you said before, maybe there is more to him then meets the eye" Seneca said as she drifted off to sleep and for the first time thoughts of Sirius Black danced through her head.


	6. Almost Paradise

"How many people pass by?" Seneca asked as she walked around the cottage, she wanted to make sure she could cut herself off from the world and if to many people passed by she would have to deal with the world.

"No many I'm afraid this is a very isolated area." The women who was selling the cottage said, "It a very beautiful place and holds many of my dear memories, but in my age its not good for me to live so far away from everyone."

"Good." Seneca told her "That's exactly what I'm looking for." She walked around the cottage looking around taking in the place that she was considering buying. She needed to leave the house she and Sirius had shared, there were far too many memories there. In the past years she hadn't been alone, this would be the first time in a long time. She tried to push here fear of being alone away, but it kept bubbling up to the surface. With Sirius gone she realized no one would be standing in between her and her father, what if he came back? She tried to tell herself her father was a muggle he didn't know Sirius was no in Azkaban, for all he knew she was still behind Sirius's protective shield.

"I'll take it." Seneca told the women hoping being cut off from the world would allow her to forget her father, Sirius, and the pain of losing Lilly and James.

"Alright miss." The elderly women said with a smile, "I hope you enjoy it as much as I have."

"Lets hope." Seneca said wondering if this place would ever be home or if it would forever be the home she shared with Sirius right down the road from Lilly and James.

As the weeks went my Seneca settled into her new home with a feeling in he heart she couldn't shake, she tried so hard to let go, to let go of Sirius he betrayed her and everyone in the Order. She made everyone doubt Remus; Sirius Back was a bad man a man who had fooled everyone from day one. He had turned back to his family; he turned back to the Most Noble House Of Black and away from her, away from James and everything they all once stood for.

* * *

><p>It had been three days since Seneca got attacked and since then she seemed more interested in Sirius then ever before. She talked to him on her own accord and didn't mind spending time with her. Sirius couldn't have been more thrilled he liked the fact he finally got her where he wanted, but something had changed in him to. That night had really worried him, someone was after Seneca in the muggle world, yes it was just a muggle and he could take care of the man with his eyes closed, but Sirius knew something was wrong.<p>

Seneca noticed a change in Sirius, where she had seen a guy so full of himself she now saw a man that was more then that. She could tell he had every right to be full of himself, but now he seemed softer, kinder to her. She felt like she could really open up to him, that perhaps he was the one that could always make her feel safe. She almost hated that she liked him now just due to the fact she didn't want to be just another one of his numbers. She didn't realize she was far from just a number for him, she didn't realize she was it for him, to him no matter how many women he had been with she was now and forever would be his number one.

"So." Sirius said to Seneca as the two walked down the sidewalk hand in hand "Why did you wait so long to do your Christmas shopping, Christmas is only in two day."

"Because I haven't seen anything that sticks out to me for people yet." She said resting her head on his arm as she walked by his side.

"Lets stop and get something warm to drink." Sirius said to her, "Its cold out here and we can talk some."

"Talk?" she asked,

"Yes, talk" he said to her without looking at her

"About what?"

"At why you keep looking over your shoulder as if you're afraid someone is going to be there?"

"We can stop and talk, but I'm not going to talk about that." She said to him looking forward trying her best not to let on that she was so afraid of the man that had attacked only a few days before.

"Alright lets stop in here." He said pulling her into a little café "And you order some of the strangely named drinks for us." He handed her money and then sat down at a free table awaiting her return.

It didn't take long for her to get their drinks and sit down at the table with him. Before she could even speak he already asked the question she didn't want him to.

"So why?" Sirius asked, "Why do you always look over your shoulder, you do it at school as well."

Seneca sighed she knew he wouldn't give up, she broke easier then she thought she would "you know sometimes pain becomes such a huge part of your life that you expect it to always to be there because you can't remember a time in your life when it wasn't but one day you feel something else something that feels wrong only because it feels so unfamiliar and in that moment you realize your happy."

"Yeah." Sirius said, he had experienced that when he had grown up at home always feeling like he was an outsider in his family, the moment he met James and the others he finally felt like he belonged, for the first time in his life he was happy.

"Well that's how I feel, I'm finally happy and that man can change all that, he can bring back the pain, he can make me no longer be happy."

"Sen" Sirius told her looking into her eyes, "As long as I live I will make sure you stay happy, you won't have to experience pain, not while I'm around."

Seneca looked confused "Why? Why do you want to protect me?"

"Because for the first time I can actually see myself with one girl, with you." Sirius told her taking her hand in his, "And I protect those I love at all cost, I'll never turn my back on them. And you are now one of them if you like it or not."

Seneca sat looking at him before she softly spoke "No, I like it." She said a soft smile falling on to her face. "I like knowing your watching over me."

"Good because I always will be." He smiled at her "And that's a promise."

* * *

><p>"They are your weakness," She hissed at him "You are a Black and here you are in front of me and even I can see your weakness!"<p>

"No mother." Sirius yelled back "They are not my weakness, if anything they are my strength, if it wasn't for them I would have probably followed this family blindly in support of the Dark Lord, but they remind me every day why I fight." They stood at the bottom of the stairs in Sirius childhood home, his mother had sent him an owl saying she wanted to talk to him, she wanted to reconcile and for some reason he had come.

"That's just it you shouldn't fight it the Dark Lord is the one who will win and your muggle born friends and muggle born" she paused as she seemed to discussed to continue "Women" she hissed "are nothing but insects in a greater plan, in a pure plan."

"No mother they aren't I will fight forever if I have to just to keep them safe." Sirius told her

"Just tell me where they are, tell me where Lilly and James are and you can be spared, that you and your girl will be spared all you have to do is give them up."

"Why would I do that mother? I would give my life for James and Lilly, and if I turned them in Seneca wouldn't stand by my side she would be running from me as fast as her legs would carry her!"

"Then she isn't worth you my son" his mother said taking a step to him

"Remember mother you burned my face from our family tree a long time ago, I'm no longer your son"

"You can be again." She whispered, "Just tell me where they are."

"I will never betray them, never!" Sirius told his mother with hate in his eyes.

"You are weak they make you weak why can't you see that!"

"No mother every day I get up, every day I fight is for them! Why would I give that up just to be in your precious little family?" He turned away to leave his mother but she got in front of him.

"The Lord will kill you Sirius please" his mother said, "I already lost your brother I can't lose you too!"

"Mother, you already have you lost me a long time ago."

"He will hurt you its better this way, if you tell me now my son he can get the information easily without having to hurt you, there is no way you will be able to withstand him making you tell him." His mother told him

"Yes mother I can and because I will hold on to the thought that if I say a word James and Lilly will be killed along with their son and I won't stand by and watch my friends and my god son be killed just so some Psycho path can get revenge on the world."

"The dark Lord isn't a Psycho path, he speaks the truth for creating a better world." His mother told him "A world we all want."

"No a world you and your kind want not one I want. Mother I love a muggle born, I love her with all my heart I don't see the difference in how someone came to be, be it they are pureblooded or muggle blooded we are all the same." He paused "For gods sake I even find muggles worth saving." His mother let out a small cry when she heard her son speak of the muggles that way.

"Why they are nothing my son they are nothing more then rats under our shoes." She hissed once more at him.

"Mother I'm leaving and know I will never side with you I will never betray Lilly and James Potter." Sirius didn't tell his mother he wasn't the secret keeper, it was best everyone thought he was it would keep his friends safe, keep the suspicion off Peter.

"Mistress" came a cry from upstairs as Kreecher came flying down the stairs "News of the dark lord he is gone!" Kreecher cried, "Dead murdered!"

"What?" she shrieked

Sirius froze where he stood, the dark Lord was gone that meant Lilly and James were safe, little Harry was safe, the world was safe.

"We're free" he said with a smile "we are all free."

"No" his mother said falling to her knees "no"

"I told you mother, his ways were wrong and now he is gone, what will you do now?"

Kreecher not liking the fact Sirius mocked his Mistress looked at him "What is the young master Black happy about? His friends Lilly and James Potter are dead the dark lord may be gone, but so are they."

Sirius face fell as the house elf spoke "You lie" he yelled, but he didn't stick around to argue he flew from the house to his bike that waited outside.

The fly from his old house to where James and Lilly were felt like It would never end as he got closer his heart fell and tears began to fall as well. He parked his bike outside what used to be the house of his friends as he looked around at what was left he knew what had happened. Peter showed his true colors, he was truly a Rat he turned Lilly and James in that coward. He walked into the house he saw James's body laying in the hall that lead to the stairs, he must have been the first to die. He heard crying coming from upstairs he glanced up the stairs and slowly made his way up, there was no way little Harry had lived. As he entered the nursery he saw Lilly laying on the ground and Harry sitting in his crib crying and a lightning shaped mark on his head that still bled. He stepped over Lilly and picked up the boy,

"Shh Harry everything is going to be ok." He wiped the blood from the boy and carried him down stairs away from his dead parents. He would have left with Harry if Hagrid hadn't showed up to take the boy, the only reason Sirius let him take Harry was because Dumbledore thought it best. He even gave Hagrid his bike to ensure they got to their destination safely.

As they disappeared into the sky Sirius felt something in him snap, something that made him see only one thing and one thing alone in his mind and that was Peter, he had to kill Peter and make him pay for his crimes.

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><p>"You know I wanted so much to believe I found my hero" Seneca stood looking out her window. She wasn't really talking to anyone, that's how the years and days went by now. She talked to no one; she spoke her mind allowed yet no one was around to hear her. All she had wanted in life was to be with the people she loved and to feel safe. She wanted her hero her good man she would toss and turn all night wishing she had her hero to hold. Her hero was once larger then life for her, the best wizard around no one could hurt her not while he was around. Yet that day took it all she lost her hero she lost her friends and she lost her life. She wondered if perhaps there was another man out there that could sweep her off her feet but she knew deep down Sirius Black was it for her. How could she ever be in love the way she had been with him, how could she ever look into another man's eyes and not see his looking back at her. She knew she needed her hero to hold her once more holding her close as they danced the whole night away, she needed him now more then anything, but no matter how much her heart held out for him he would never return to her. He could never leave Azkaban by escaping he would never be the man she had loved. After all how could her hero be the one that brought about the death of the people she loved?<p>

She hated to lock her heart off to him to realize he wasn't anything larger then life. She hated to think her hero was no longer the man her heart had held out for he wasn't the strong fast powerful man she once knew. Instead he was a coward that turned on his friends for his own safety, instead he was the man that brought her all the pain she felt. She walked over to her bed and let her self fall on to it. She looked at the ceiling as she tried to get him from her mind, he was no longer her hero, he wasn't larder then life. He was simply he coward that took everything from her, he was the one that made her lose faith in the world, lose faith in hope and belief, she no longer held to anything. She was like a ghost feeling nothing but the loss, she knew her life was nothing now this would be where she was until the day she died. She would never love again; she would never have friends like she had once had. While she continued to walk on the earth she was only a shell of the girl she had once been.

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><p>Seneca and Sirius walked next to each other snow was falling softly all around them and Christmas music played. Children were being ushered by their parents to now head home as couples began to fill the park all heading for the ice rink. Sirius who had never skated before didn't want to go skating and to his joy Seneca said she didn't know how and that she didn't want to join Lilly and James out on the ice. Instead the two walked on the freshly shoveled paths of the park listening to the music taking in everything around them.<p>

"This is my favorite song." Seneca said as a song came through the loud speakers "I don't know why it's playing, its far from a Christmas song."

"What song is it?" Sirius asked her as he took her hand in his.

"Almost Paradise" Seneca said with a smile on her lips

"Well if its your favorite song lets dance." Sirius pulled her close to him so they were only inches apart.

"Just us?" Seneca said blushing slightly

"Yes." He whispered his face close to hers as he put his hand on her lower back and slowly began to lead her into a dance to the song she had just said she loved.

"People will think we are strange dancing by ourselves." She said following him yet feeling strange. She was never one to stick out she stayed in the crowed never once wanting people to look at her.

"Let them think." He whispered looking into her eyes, "After all this night in the park is almost paradise, how could we ask for more."

"That's so cheesy repeating the lines of the song." She blushed just the same, yes it may be cheesy, but some how Sirius Black was making her never want to let go of his embrace.

"Yes, but it fits this moment? Don't you think love?" he asked. Unlike the many other times at the school when he called her love some how now it seemed so different. This time when he said the word love her heart raced and the blood ran to her cheeks as she blushed.

"Um yeah." She said at a loss for words, she looked into his eyes and some how she felt like she was where she was supposed to be. All her dreams she had of a man that would be her hero, would hold her close and make her feel like everything was ok, somehow it was Sirius Black. Some how the man she had always dreamed about was Sirius Black and now here she was finding it hard to fight his relentless attempts for her. How was it the man she denied for so long was now the man she couldn't let go of?

She had been holding out for a hero until the end of the night, he always had to be strong and always had to be larger then life. Here was finally someone reaching back to her in a time she felt like she was drowning her was her superman sweeping her off her feet. She had held out for so long that she had almost over looked this man before her. She had overlooked the man holding her the very moment that seemed to make everything ok. With his arms around her she didn't feel like she was going to be swept away and for the first time in years she felt tied to a moment a moment she never wanted to let go of.

She looked into Sirius eyes as he looked at her she didn't see the boy that he pretended to be. For the first time she saw how lonely he really was, she saw how much he just wanted to be loved the way his family should have loved him. She knew all to well about the pain a family member could bring. She knew it wasn't easy for him being cast from his family, burned from the tree and all because he didn't believe in the dark ways, all because he was loyal to his friends and to what was right. He gave up his family to be where he was and now he was very much alone. Looking into his eyes was like looking through a gate way to his sole, no matter how much he tried to pretend he was ok with leaving his family she could now see he wasn't, she could now see who he really was.

To her surprise as he leaned his head to hers she didn't shy her head away, instead she allowed his lips to meet hers as he kissed her with passion she had never felt before. Unlike the very few boys she had kissed in her past this kiss wasn't looking for more, wasn't sloppy, or rushed. Instead it was simply a kiss that spoke a thousand words. It was simple and didn't feel like he was just waiting until she would allow him to push her to the ground for more, this was more then that it was simple perfect. She didn't want it to end; she didn't want any of it to end, this moment, this dance, this kiss. Everything was so perfect she didn't want the outside world to ruin anything, she wanted to be locked her forever feeling this way, a way she had never felt before.

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><p>I don't know if you guys have been able to tell yet, but most of my chapters are inspired by songs I hear a lot of the ending of this chapter was inspired by the songs in the new footloose.<p> 


	7. Forgive me?

**AN-it has been a long time since I uploded a chapter, I'm not sure if people are even still reading this story but my muse arrived today so here is another chapter. **

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><p>As much as she had tried to fight her feelings she now felt for Sirius Black she couldn't help herself. He and James had stayed through Christmas, but even the few days from the day they left until they all met up at Hogwarts again seemed to last an eternity. She didn't want to admit it, but no matter what she said or how she acted Lilly could tell she wanted to see Sirius again. The way she smiled, the way she blushed the way she avoided eye contact when ever his name was mentioned were dead give a ways that Seneca had feelings for the Gryffindor play boy.<p>

She pretended she didn't care when she would see him as she and Lilly stepped onto the train and walked to an open compartment. Lilly talked about James and how excited she was to get back and see everyone again, she even mentioned her Slytherian friend that Seneca didn't care for. She tried to listen to Lilly, but her eyes were on the door waiting for the boys to burst in like they always did. Hardly taking notice anything of anything Lilly was saying. Her mind was on one thing and one thing alone and that was him.

Her heart seemed to stop beating as the door opened, it reveled James with the other boys behind him. He went strait to Lilly and kissed her without even saying hello, just simply a big grin on his face as his messy hair bounced on his head as he embraced his girl and kissed her. Seneca looked to the other boys with a smile on her face, but it fell when she realized that only Remus and Peter now walked in shutting the door behind them. The two boys sat down next to her as Lilly and James broke away from each other. Lilly looked at Remus and Peter like Seneca she let her smile fall when Sirius wasn't there.

"Where's Sirius?" Lilly asked turning to James, knowing Seneca wouldn't ask the question so she knew it was up to her to find out.

"Um he's, er" James seemed to be looking for words when Peter spoke,

"He's with Annie Hale, you know that hot Ravineclaw, he helped her with her trunk and then she flirted with each other then went into a compartment just to two of them." Peter wished as he spoke that he could be in Sirius's place, being alone with a girl, doing what ever he wanted, but no girls seemed to go after him that way. He was interrupted from his thoughts when James kicked him. "Ow!" Peter cried out "What was that for?"  
>"Nothing" James mumbled, but knowing all to well that with Peter's outburst anywhere Sirius had gotten with Seneca over winter brake now came to a crashing halt. He knew Sirius would be angry later when he found out they had let his whereabouts slip.<p>

The door swung open once more as Sirius walked in with a huge smile on his face,

"Here you guys are I've been looking all over for you." He walked over to Seneca and sat down next to her pushing Peter out of the way, "I missed you." He whispered to her, but to his surprise she didn't smile, in fact she seemed more repulsed by him then anything else.

"Get your arm off of me." She snapped "and don't even try and talk to me." She stood up and sat down next to Lilly leaving an all to surprised Sirius sitting in between Remus and Peter.

"What has gotten into you, last I knew we were on good terms?"

"Yes, but that was over a week ago." Seneca said "and I'm back to thinking you are nothing more then an egomaniac who doesn't think with his upstairs brain." Seneca said looking him strait in the eye. Everyone else was quiet as they waited to see how the event unfolded. Lilly felt bad for Seneca, the girl had tried so hard to fight any kind of feelings for Sirius and now here she was heartbroken by the man she tried to deny for so long. It angered Lilly, after all Sirius promised not to hurt Seneca and here he was right after he had been with another girl pretending like Seneca was the crazy one for not wanting him near her.

"What do you mea-" he stopped as he realized one of the guys let it slip where he just was, he hadn't been thinking with his brain when he went off with Annie, his mind had been clouded for he hadn't been with a girl in two months, and for him ever since he reached the age he could have sex he had never gone that long before. Annie was hot and she was easy she wanted him and he had just wanted a girl, but now he regretted it, he regretted that Seneca knew.

"I'm going for a walk." Seneca said when Sirius still said nothing

"Do you want me to go with you?" Lilly asked knowing her friend was upset

"No, please Lilly stay I just want to clear my head." Seneca stood and walked out of the compartment closing the door behind her.

"Did I miss something?" Peter asked he was always last to find out about everything, but this time he wasn't alone Remus as well was confused.

"I'm with Peter, why is Seneca upset?" Remus asked as his shaggy brown hair fell in front of his tired eyes.

"She's upset because of your man whore of a friend." Lilly sighed

"What?" Remus asked "Sirius? You can't be serious" Remus looked over at his friend, he had never let anyone in the group know but he had liked Seneca, he had hoped Sirius's fascination with her ended soon so he could perhaps see if she liked him. He hadn't thought of her as the type of girl to fall for his friend's tricks. "What did you do to hurt her?" he said letting his anger get slightly the better of him.

"Nothing I did nothing." Sirius argued, "she's just mental that one."

"Mental?" Lilly said "Mental?" slightly angrier now. James had only heard Lilly angry once and that had been when she yelled at Snivelles she hadn't been someone he wanted to mess with and now she seemed to be getting just as angry as she had the day she yelled at her ex best friend. "Mental? She has every right to be upset after you had her fall for you, after everything you did, protecting her, dancing with her, saying lines such as this is paradise and then just go off and shag another girl like this Christmas meant nothing to you?" Lilly glared at Sirius "I don't believe she is the mental one Sirius Black, I believe it is you throwing away something you could have had with her, something great just so you could have a romp in a compartment that means nothing. It just shows how little you are and how right she had been all along."

Sirius didn't say a word to Lilly, as he knew she was right, he had messed up for only a little while of pleasure. Had he really given up something great with Seneca, but in truth he never wanted her to find out. Was it to late to try and win her over even after he had hurt her? His mind flashed to the night they had danced together, when he had kissed her. She had been the first girl he had just kissed without pushing for more. Something about her made him want to do everything just right and the simple kiss they had shared, the simple moment had been perfect even for him. He had been content just kissing her nothing reaching for more he had known he was lucky just getting the chance to touch his lips on hers, but now he feared he would never get that chance again all because he went for shag that meant nothing to him, it hadn't even been all that great. He leaned back in his seat for a moment not sure if he should give up on her or perhaps try all over again to win her over. His mind played over their kiss again and again and more then anything he wanted to recreate that, he wanted to hold her in his arms again and never let go.

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><p>Seneca walked around the isles of the train, how had she been so stupid? How had she let herself fall for his game? All he had wanted to do was prove he could get her and once he had her he would go after someone else. She didn't know if she yet had the right to be upset, after all they had just kissed she had let herself get wrapped up in the idea of him rather then the reality of him. Why had she been so stupid? She had really believed that Sirius Black was interested in her.<p>

"Sen." Came a voice from behind her, she knew the voice to well, it was the voice of the man that upset her.

"Don't cal me that Sirius" Seneca said as she continued to walk forward without looking back at him.

"Please stop walking and talk to me." He told her as he hurried to catch up to her, he needed to talk to her, he needed to get her to forgive him.

"I will not stop and I will not talk, Sirius there is nothing to talk about." She wondered if perhaps she had imagined the whole thing perhaps she just made what happened over the break into something it wasn't.

"Well soon you are going to run out of train and will have to talk to me." Sirius told her hoping this would make her stop, he was right. Seneca spun around her eyes angry and hurt.

"Leave me be!" she almost yelled at him causing people in open compartments look at them, "Just leave me be!"

"Listen I'm sorry about what I did, I really am, but you can't expect me to change who I am so quickly, I'm not the type to be tied down by one girl." As the words left his mouth he knew he should of said something better, he knew he shouldn't of expressed a relationship as _tied down_. He tried to recover and spoke quickly again. "We just shouldn't tell anyone about what's happening between us and still lead our normal lives."

"I'm being silly." Seneca said after staring at him a few moments, "That night wasn't anything was it, just a simple laps of judgment." She sighed "I shouldn't of gotten upset with you Sirius."

"Right" he said unsure of exactly what she was saying.

"After all it meant nothing we aren't anything to each other, you are still the arrogant show off you have always been, and I am the book worm who isn't good at anything, it was simple my fault for allowing myself to think that we were anything more then that." She pushed past him, "Now if you please I must go."

"Seneca!" he called out after her, but she didn't stop, if anything she sped up to where Lilly was, she didn't want to talk to him any longer as she tried to hide the tears in her eyes. She had been right, she and imagined that anything special had happened with him. He had only kissed her that night because she was the only girl around and he had simple been bored.

As she reached where Lily was sitting she wiped away tears and entered. James, Peter, and Remus were still sitting in with Lily and all stopped talking when she entered. Without saying a word she walked over to the seat next to the window and sat down, she looked out the window without making eye contact with anyone, not even Lily. Shortly after she entered Sirius entered as well, he took one look of the lot looking at him and while he sat he mumbled,

"What are you all looking at?"

"Is everything alright?" Lily asked, not sure, which once she was asking hoping at least one or the other would answer. Neither did. The rest of the ride to the castle was quiet, James and Lily tried to start up conversations but being Remus never talked much and Peter babbled about nothing the conversations didn't stay long. Sirius watched Seneca while Seneca watched the window. Either she didn't know she was being watched or she was simply ignoring it.

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><p>Sirius hoped in the next few days that he would be able to talk to Seneca again, this time with rehearsed words, but he never got the chance to be alone with her, either she was walking with Lily and ignoring him or she was locked away in the girls dormitory studying.<p>

He was sitting in the common room a little over a week since the train ride waiting for James about to give up on trying to speak to the girl when he heard footsteps walking in. Looking up he expected to see James, but instead he heard a voice then saw her face.

"Lily I told you I don't like to wonder around here alone or that git will corner me and talk-" she stopped when she saw him, "Great" she mumbled

"Seneca" He said with a smile, "Wait" he hurried up to her as she was about to turn around, he blocked her from going back up the stairs. "Please just listen to me, everything I did and said on the train was wrong, I'm new at this, please just listen."

"Listen to what Sirius? I don't have time for your games!" She folded her arms and looked more annoyed then anything else, "Now move!"

"No I'm not going to move until you listen to me, until you hear me out!" Sirius didn't wait for her to argue he began speaking again when he saw her mouth move to say more, but he wanted to avoid her yelling at him. "I've never felt this way before the way I feel about you, I've never actually wanted to be with one girl to actually date." He paused for a moment looking into her eyes, "Seneca your different I don't want to play games with you, I don't want to be with a new girl everyday I want something like James and Lily have, with you. I want to wake up every morning knowing that I get to spend it with you!"

Seneca didn't know what to say she didn't know what to think. Could he really be telling the truth, then again this could all be a game. Why would Sirius Black want her? He was everything a guy should be, strong, handsome, smart and what was she? She couldn't fight off anyone, she wasn't beautiful, and she was far from smart. The only reason she got good grades was because she studied for hours and hours on end because her only friend was Lily. Sirius was the type ever guy wanted to be and ever girl wanted to be with, she was simply the girl everyone avoided.

"Sen, if you are listening to what I am saying, I want more nights like the one when we danced and I kissed you, I just want to be able to do that when ever we want, I want to be the guy that looks out for you makes sure you are safe, in short I want you to be my girl Seneca, I want you to be my girl friend."

"I um" Seneca couldn't argue with him his eyes seemed to be telling the truth, she couldn't find her want to be with him, "I want to be your girlfriend." She said softly slightly cursing herself for being so easy to forgive.

"So will you forgive me?" he asked hopefully "And be my girl."

"No" Seneca said, "I won't forgive you at least not fully, not yet what you did hurt me, I thought we connected over the break-"

"We Did Sen that's what I'm trying to tell you, please I swear I haven't been with a girl since the train and I won't be with another girl ever!"

"That is unrealistic even if I become your girlfriend Sirius hardly anyone that dates during school ends up together forever." Seneca said to him

"I speak the truth Seneca Mars you are the only girl for me, and for as long as I life you are the only girl I ever want to be with." He spoke the truth, all he wanted was she, all he wanted was to have her be his.

" You interrupted me before when I said I wouldn't fully forgive you, what I was about to say was I don't fully trust you, but I do want to be your girlfriend Sirius." She looked at him a smile starting to fight off her frown.

"You do?" he asked, but then smiled, "You Do." He said as he looked at her, "Then its settled, you are my girl."

"for now." Seneca said, "Until you mess it up."

"I believe me, I won't" He said "Not now not ever." He leaned forward and kissed her softly hoping that she would kiss him back, he happily met her lips and she didn't pull away she kissed him back.

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><p>From under his invisibility cloth James stood with Lily the to looked at each other and smiled, they had set up the meeting of their friends, they had hoped that Sirius would corner Seneca and the two could talk. James knew that Sirius wanted to be with Seneca and he promised that he wasn't fooling around, and by the way Seneca moped around Lily knew she wanted to be with Sirius she was just to stubborn to do so. When Sirius and Seneca walked away to the great hall to get some dinner they pulled the cloak off,<p>

"So when can I start making fun of Sirius for some of the corny stuff he said?" James asked Lily

"Never!" she said to him frowning, "Plus how would you remember half of it?" she never understood why these boys always had to pick on each other.

"With this." He pulled out something that reminded Lily of a recording tape that she and Tuney used to play with as kids, he hit mumbled something and taped it with his wand and it began to repeat Sirius's words.

"James Potter don't you dare!" Lily told him "I seriously wonder why I'm with you most days!"

"Because you love me." He said with a cocky side ways smile

"Shut up" she mumbled as she playfully hit him in the arm, but she knew he spoke the truth, while he was a handful always getting in to trouble she couldn't stop herself from loving him, she couldn't stop herself from still blushing when he complemented her and she definitely couldn't stop her heart from skipping a few beats when he entered the room. "Let's just hope Sirius doesn't mess this up" Lily said to James.

"How do you know he will? Maybe Seneca will" James said knowing all to well if anything was going to go wrong in the new relationship if would more then likely be the fault of Sirius and not the girl.

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><p><strong>AN- So what did you guys think? Should I continue or is this a flop, please Review and tell me what you think. <strong>


	8. Is this Love?

**AN- sorry it took so long to update my muse has been a little low. **

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><p>In the weeks that passed after Christmas break Seneca began to feel almost normal about dating Sirius Black. At times she hardly believed she was dating him half because he was a player the type of guy to sleep with a girl and never call again, but the other half it seemed the Sirius she once knew was gone in his place was more a loyal dog that didn't push her to do things she wasn't ready for. He hadn't even looked at another girl since they began to date. While before she never understood why Lily liked to hang out with this group now it was clear. Something about these four made the school seem so much more then it was. It was also strange how no matter where they went in the castle the boys seemed to know where they were going, but she never questioned it.<p>

The only thing that was hard to get used when they first walked off the train and even sometimes still now was the other girls. While at first they laughed and thought it was some kind of joke that he was holding Seneca's hand they now seemed to hate her from taking him off the market. Yet that didn't stop them from still trying to get Sirius to pay them attention. They wore hardly anything, tried to sit on his lap, told him they wanted to sleep with him, yet his always seemed to say no. Even James found it amazing how ever since Sirius started dating Seneca he had changed and for the better. When there were girls stripping off their clothing for him, his eyes left them and found Seneca, if she wasn't there he would leave the temptation of another woman still his eyes only for Seneca. It was strange seeing his friend so devoted to one girl.

Seneca sat near the lake it was one of the first nice days of the New Year. The sun was shinning bright and many of the students sat around in the nice weather. Still not used to having all that many friends Seneca often went off alone only later to be found by the rest of the group. She kept her mind off of her new friends and on the book she was studying knowing all to well that she needed to study in order to get her marks up.

She hear someone come up behind her then sit next to her, she turned her head in time just as Sirius places a kiss on her lips a smile on his face

"What are you doing love?" he asked

"Just studying." She said closing the book with a smile, "Something that is foreign to you."

"It's not my fault I'm brilliant." He said with a smirk on his lips. He hardly ever had to study in order to do well in his classes. He was the type that understood things easily, he took to magic quickly nothing seemed to be too hard to understand.

"Of course you can't" she said back at him, "so what trouble do you and the boys have planned?"

"Trouble? Us?" he asked his grin getting bigger, "Never we are the ideal students."

"Of course you are." She said to him as she leaned forward and kissed him softly on the lips.

"Why are you wasting this beautiful day studying when you could be doing more productive things?" he asked as he let himself fall back in to the grass his hair falling in his eyes. Seneca smiled as she looked down at him as she leaned over him brushing the hair out of his face,

"Like what?" she asked him knowing all to well what he wanted.

"Like this." He said pulling her face to his kissing her

"Get a room" James said as he sat down pulling Lily down on his lap

"Or go back to your studying Sen no offence but you really need it."

Sirius groaned as the other walked up, he knew Seneca well enough to know she wouldn't carry on what they were doing with an audience.

"Yeah." Seneca said sitting up,

Sirius turned his head to glare at the intruders "What do you two want?"

"Just to ruin your fun." James said smirking at his friend.

"I hate you, you know that right?" he told his friend.

"I know."

"I really do need to study Sirius why don't you help me with that?" Seneca asked him, he gave her a blank stare but then sighed and looked up,

"Give me the book." He told her knowing that he would be able to help her study no matter what she was reading.

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><p>"This isn't rocket science Sen come on." Said Sirius as he put his head on Seneca's shoulder "its just transformations."<p>

"When are you going to learn I've never been good at any kind of school work." She said turning her head the best she could to glare with him.

"Love, don't think of it as school work, but instead fun magic I mean once you get a handle on transformation the possibilities are endless of what you could do." He took his head off her should and sat down next to her, "You could even make yourself transform to an animal and run through the night."

"Why would I do that?" Seneca asked, "Who would do that?"

"I don't know love, but imagine the fun the boys and I could have with that." He said with a smirk

"I can only imagine." Seneca said back, but she couldn't shake the feeling that he was admitting to something rather then imagining it.

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><p>Sirius sat in his cell it had been two years since the death of Lily and James, being here in the darkness was possibly the worst place imaginable it was beginning to unlock his mind, beginning to make him see things when there was nothing to see. It didn't help to hear the sneers of his cousin telling him that Seneca wouldn't believe in him, that she wouldn't think him to be a innocent man, that she was the same as everyone else that she would think of him as a traitor and die without knowing the truth, without knowing he didn't sell out his friends. He hoped that Seneca believed in him but with every passing day it got harder to think she could see through the lies. She never wrote to him, never tried to get word to him. With every day that passed without word from her he realized she was with everyone else, that she thought he had joined his family. If only she knew he had refused his mother that very night, if only she knew how much she meant to him. Time wore on and his mind began to wear down, every day he tried to see her face but it began to fade from his mind he could hardly see her some days when he felt so cold. Curling up in his dog form with only his mind on Seneca perhaps was the only think that kept his mind slightly together but with every passing day the mental instability that ran in his family seemed to be dancing before him attacking his mind. He didn't want to give up, he tried to hold on to hope that his name would be cleared, but even if it wasn't he held on to hope that the rat of a man that framed him, that sold out Lily and James would meet a painful death by his hand.<p>

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><p>Sirius looked at the ceiling from his bed, so much had happened in a short time. If you had asked him a year ago would he want to settle down, would he want to think of just one girl for the rest of his life he would have so no, there was nothing more then bedding as many women as he could and flirting with every attractive girl he could. That was until he fell in love with Seneca Mars. She was the type of girl he never thought he would end up with, he was used to the up front popular girls that made sure nothing was out of place, but here he was in love with Seneca and her idea of dressing up was putting on a pair of jeans and running a brush through her hair. She was the girl with the broken smile and the sad eyes. She never spoke much other then to snap at him in the years they had been in Hogwarts together. Their paths had cross a lot due to them both being in the same house and the fact that his best friend was dating her best friend, but neither had liked each other.<p>

Sirius had always thought her to be a cold-hearted girl that cared nothing for making herself look appealing to men, he only recently found out why she didn't want to appeal to men, and all because of her past, all because of her father. He hated thinking about what happened to her, hated thinking of a grown man forcing himself onto a small girl. He finally understood why Seneca hated when men looked at her like a peace of meat, why she made herself look unappealing, why she hardly brushed her hair other then to pull it into a lose pony tail, or why she wore sweat pants as much as she could or why she didn't wear any make-up unless Lily forced her to the night Sirius first realized he was or could be attracted to Seneca. He could see why she made sure to make herself look frumpy, because her beauty was beyond compare. He now saw it no matter how she dressed, she could be covered in mud and dirt from head to toe and he would still see her beauty shinning through. Perhaps that was what truly meant you were in love, when you could see someone no matter what, even when he closed his eyes he could still see her face smiling back at him and he couldn't help but smile. As he looked at the ceiling he knew he was truly in love with Seneca Mars and that he would make sure the rest of his life was to protect her to keep her safe and happy.

"Padfoot" Came Peter's voice from his left

"What do you want Wormtail?" he asked without looking over to his friend,

"What are you doing?" the boy asked again causing Sirius to sigh,

"I was thinking."

"About what?" Peter asked always wanting to know what his friends were doing, always wanting to be like them.

"Nothing." Sirius never admitted to any one who he thought about at all times even thought he was dating her he didn't want others to know that he was hopelessly in love with Seneca even though unlike every other girl he had dated in his life she hadn't yet even put out, never once gone farther then kissing. Somehow that made him like her more, want her more but he never spoke a word to anyone, not even James.

"Seneca" Came James laughing voice from the right, "He's always thinking of her." No matter what James always seemed to know what Sirius was thinking about, they were best friends and even thought Sirius never spoke a word about Seneca to him James knew she was all that was on his best friends mind. He knew by the way Sirius didn't talk about Seneca showed that she was important to him. Usually Sirius couldn't wait to tell James about the girls he was with, but Seneca he kept private unintentionally proving that she was far more important then any girl he had ever been with.

"Why would you say that?" Sirius asked glaring at James

"Because I know you Padfoot, I know that she's all you think about for the first time there is actually something that silences you." James told him

"Why would you think it is her, perhaps I just have nothing to say." Sirius didn't like anyone thinking that he was tamed by a girl the way he said he would never be even though he knew if Seneca said jump he would.

"My dear friend." James said with a laugh, "We have been best friends since our first train ride to Hogwarts I know you, nothing makes you shut up, but when you are with her you rather hear her speak, you shut up and listen to her or just watch her with a smile on you're face and when you're not with her you are looking off into space with that same stupid smile on you're face, believe me she is what you are thinking about."

"What would you know?" Sirius asked sitting up getting ready to leave the room not liking the fact James could see right through him.

"Don't leave Padfoot." James said with a laugh, "I have something to show you." James pulled out a ring and showed it to his friend.

"So you talk about how I'm in love with Seneca and then you ask me to marry you?" Sirius knew what the rind was for, but couldn't help joking around with his friend.

"One I never said you were in love with her, you just did and two this is for Lily we are almost done with are years here at Hogwarts so my next plan is to marry her and finally make her mine so we can start a life together."

Sirius looked at the ring it was beautiful perfect for James and Lily, but seeing that ring brought almost a panic to his heart he saw that ring in James's hand and couldn't help but want to buy one of his own, one for Seneca, but he knew she would never say yes not yet perhaps not ever.

"You're going to ask her to marry you, mate?" he asked with a smile on his face, "I better be best man."

"You will be if she says yes that is." James said with a nerves laugh,

"She will Prongs."

"I hope so, I'm taking her to Hogsmeade tonight to ask her to marry me." He spoke again with nervousness in his voice "I hope tonight Lily Evens agrees to becoming Lily Potter."  
>"She will mate." Sirius said, "that girl is head over heels in love with you she isn't going to want to lose you and we all know her plans always after graduating was settle down and have a family."<p>

"Hopefully it's with me." James said.

"We will know tonight." Sirius said smiling at his friend, "I'm rooting for you."

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><p>It was late and unlike many other students Seneca hadn't gone to Hogsmeade tonight, most were still out while she had stayed in to study and due to the fact she wasn't feeling well. Sirius had gone out with Lupin and Peter while Lily went out with James for dinner. Seneca was already in bed before those that came back early began to show up in the dorms. She was fast asleep when Lily's voice and Lily jumping into her bed awaked her.<p>

"Sen!" she said loudly "Sen wake up, oh wake up I have something to tell you."

"What?" Seneca said half asleep still while she turned the light on next to her bed.

"Look!" she said loudly as she shoved her hand in front of Seneca's face, "look, look!" Sitting on Lily's finger was a beautiful rock shinning in the light.

"Lily, does this mean you're engaged?" Seneca asked

"Yes and before you say anything I know I'm young Seneca but I love him and I know I will spend the rest of my life with him we are going to have beautiful children together, a little boy and then a little girl, perhaps more after that, oh I already have names picked out I always have you know, Harry for a little boy I think, how cute is that Harry Potter for a little boy, oh Seneca I'm so happy I am going to be Mrs. Lilly Potter and we will have a Son Harry Potter and we will be a happy family." She paused only to take a breath, "I know you said this is to young to be in love, you young to be married you were always skeptical about love, but I really do love him Sen please be happy for me." Lily wasn't sure how her best friend was going to take the news, Seneca often said James was going to try and hold her back by asking for marriage, but unlike Seneca Lily didn't see marriage as being something that holds one back, but instead opens up a different road of choices.

"Lily." Seneca said with a smile, "I see only one problem with everything you just said,"

"What would that be?" Lily asked waiting for a lecture,

"What happens if you have a little girl first, do you have a name picked out?" Seneca knew Lily would be surprised but ever since she had truly gotten to know Sirius she began to doubt everything she believed in, perhaps love was possible after all she couldn't help but think that she was in love with Sirius Black. For the first time in her life Seneca could finally see the world as if she was seeing it through Lily's eyes, for the first time Seneca believed that someone else in the world could truly make you happy.

"No I'm clueless for girl's names James will have to come up with an idea." Lily said taken by surprise by how well Seneca took the news.

"Just, you aren't pregnant right?" Seneca asked

"No, not yet anyways, I would like to wait a year after we get married to have a baby."

"I'm happy for you Lily I really am." Seneca said smiling at her best friend. There was something about seeing that rock on Lily's finger that made Seneca think about Sirius, about how it would feel to wear his ring on her finger, but she doubted he would ever ask her after all he would get bored of her sooner or later. Seneca couldn't help she wasn't ready to give herself to him, even though she loved him she still couldn't trust someone with touching her in that way, she wished she did, but she still feared the nightmares would return, the nightmares of her childhood. They had never really gone away, but they had lessoned in time that is until she saw her father around Christmas time, but in those nightmares she finally had someone to save her, there were many nights thoughts of Sirius chased away nightmares of her father. She didn't want nightmares of her father to become nightmares mixed with thoughts of Sirius it would just be to hard. She knew that he would give up on her soon after all he never tried to fool around with her more then kissing soon Sirius would turn from her, soon he would move on to some girl that wanted to please him, to give him everything he wanted in a girl. He would never ask her to marry him, she would never wear his ring on her finger they would never last.

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><p>As time went on Seneca got used to being alone, yet she was never the same. The fear still came sometimes that someone was after her, she didn't know why. Her father was gone forever and so was the dark lord there was no one out there that wanted her dead not anymore. Yet without him by her side she no longer felt safe. She tried to be the girl she had once been, she once had been the girl that woke in the wake of devastation and built a wonderful wall around her and went on living, but once she took that wall down and let her friends in she felt like it had her weaker, in a way it weaken the foundation of who she was. With her friends by her side, with Sirius by her side she felt so strong, she felt like nothing could touch her, with Lily James, Sirius, Lupin, and Peter she finally had a family that she could trust, but now they were gone. Everyone was gone, Lily, James, and Peter dead, Sirius in Azkaban and Lupin god knows where.<p>

Moving through the motions of life were easy, with every year that went by Seneca pulled herself out from the bottles she had often gotten her self sick on. While she was never herself, while she was never the strong girl she had once been she was able to take care of herself, she was able to talk to those when she had to, she could smile she could laugh, but anyone that truly knew her would know that her smile was fake as was her laugh, her eyes lost their spark and fire they had once had, but those that knew her that truly knew her were gone. She walked in through the front door of her cottage; she closed the door behind her locking the locks with a sigh. She closed her eyes as she tried to get grip on her self. There was always something everyday that reminded her of her past, and today it had been the headline of the Daily Prophet that was delivered by an owl that she did not know. Someone sent her parts of the wizzarding world someone she could only guess was Dumbledore. The headline that read today was,

**"The Boy who lived goes to Hogwarts."**

There was a picture of him, not eleven years old. Seneca leaned down and picked up the paper, on the front page she couldn't help but see James standing there with a smile on his face in his first year, but it wasn't fully James for the eyes of the boy in the paper wasn't James's eyes, but Lily's. The boy who lived, the boy who looked like his father messy hair and all, but who had the eyes of his mother, the loving soft green eyes. Pinned to the paper was a letter that read.

_"Seneca, ten years ago you lost everything, but one thing remains."_

Whoever wrote it didn't sign a name, but she knew it had to be Dumbledore he was perhaps the only one left who cared. Starting a fire the muggle way Seneca tossed the paper and note into the flames and shooed the owl away without a return reply, she wanted nothing to do with the Wizarding world, she could never look a young Harry and not be reminded of James or Lily and being reminded of them in such a great form in front of people was to hard, she couldn't do it, she couldn't pull herself together in that way. She was strong enough to make sure she ate and had clean clothing to wear, she wasn't strong enough to live a life in the presences of others and especially that little boy.

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><p><strong>AN- So tell me what you think leave a review, next chapter will be after Hogwarts<strong> **and possibly Lily and James's wedding. **


	9. Will This last?

**AN- this chapter contains some adult material This is a warning this story is Rated M for a reason. (This is also my first time ever writing Lemon so bare with me) **

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><p>Life after school wasn't how Seneca had expected, or rather feared. Before she met Sirius she always assumed she would end up alone in the real world somewhere where 'he' could get her. She feared the day she would graduate and move out of her adopted parents house and be left to fend for herself. It didn't matter how much magic she had or how much training she had she knew when she saw her father it would be just like that Christmas when Sirius had saved her. She wouldn't fight him she couldn't. She feared him more then 'he who must not be named.'<p>

But now she had something different, now she had Sirius before school was even out he had asked her if she wanted to get a place with him. At first she was hesitated because even though they had been dating for almost six months she still felt that at any moment he was going to slip away. She never understood why he would stay with her after all they hadn't even had sex yet. He knew she wasn't ready and never once pushed the subject. Now here he wanted her to move in she had wondered if that meant he was expecting sex, but going against her fears she agreed. They bought a house in a muggle community that was what muggles called a 'fixer upper.' Sirius was very amazed by the muggle way of life so Seneca agreed that they would fix up the house as muggles would. No magic. That way it would be such a bigger feat when it was all done, something they could really be proud of. Living together was easier then she thought it was similar to living in the dorms but at night they slept in the same bed close to each other. Still he didn't pressure her into Sex he knew it was a big deal for her to just allow a guy in her bed. It was strange for Seneca she always thought she would never feel comfortable having a man in her bed with her, but with Sirius beside her she felt safe, safer then she ever had her whole life. She felt like when she closed her eyes for the first time she could truly sleep because his strong protective arms were wrapped around her. She felt free from all her fears, she felt happy.

"So this is the place?" James asked sitting down on the couch that was facing the television. Seneca and Sirius made their house look as if muggles lived in it; after all they lived among them and had many muggle friends, friends that would never know what they really were.

"Yeah what do you think?" Sirius asked sitting down next to him as the girls walked off in to the kitchen.

"Very muggle." James said with a smile, "So you know I like it you have so much strange stuff here like this." James held up the remote for the television, "What does this do?"

"That turns on the telly." Sirius told him, "Muggles love to watch the telly." He took the remote from James and switched the television on.

"Well that's interesting." James said amused.

"Yes, but for some reasons muggles get very set in watching it they seem to just focus on the telly and nothing else seems to matter.

"Interesting." James said as he watched what was on the television, it was simply the news for the muggles, but to him it was very interesting. Sirius as well didn't take his eyes off the television as he watched the local muggle news.

"So the boys are enjoying the telly." Seneca said with a chuckle.

"I tried ever so hard to never let him see one of those and be like father when a game if on." Lily said

"Oh he's just watching the news." Seneca told her,

"Great now he'll just be like grandfather." Lily said with a sarcastic roll of her eyes.

"So did you get this in the mail?" Seneca asked as she picked up an envelope from the table.

"Yes." Lily said, "I don't know why she invited us to her wedding." She sighed "she hates us and especially will hate James and Sirius, possibly James more."

"Why James more?" Seneca asked

"Because at least you are teaching Sirius the way of the muggles going to this party with James he will stick out like a sore thumb. He won't be able to contain his excitement for all the things muggle."

Seneca smiled, "yes Sirius could pull off being muggle he has been around this stuff for a while now."

"Not James he actually asked me what is the purpose of a rubber duck!" Lily shook her head

"Like the type kids play with in the bath?"

"Yes"

"Oh yes he will stick out like a sore thumb." Seneca said laughing so hard she almost fell off the stood she was sitting on.

"This isn't funny Sen, Tuney hasn't invited us to anything and at least her guy has a possibility of her liking." Lily said with a frown

"Why do you care so much?" Seneca asked, "she hates us and she will hate them she already does without even meeting them."

"You know as well as I she is just jealous, she just wants to be like us, not the one left alone. Once upon a time we all were best friends." Lily told her

"Always the heart of gold Lily, but for me she turned her back on me why would I want to impress her any." Sen took a sip of her drink as she looked down at the invitation to her adopted sister's wedding.

"I think I'm going to go, take James and see how it goes." Lily told her, "What about you?"

"I don't know I really don't want to deal with her." Seneca started

"Please Sen oh please don't make me bare her alone." Lily pleaded

"You will have James with you." Seneca argued

"No you know as well as I he will be following what ever cool muggle object that entertains him." Lily looked at Seneca and made a puppy dogface.

"Fine." Seneca said, "We will go, but the moment she starts pushing me to far I'm either hitting her and going or just leaving."

"Deal." Lily said a content smile on her face.

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><p>The longer Sirius sat in his prison cell the longer he knew she wasn't going to come to him. He had never spent this much time away from her since he first fell for her. It killed him to be apart from her, away from protecting her. He knew she was safe from her father, but what if someone else went after her?<p>

He was supposed to protect her watch over her and now here he was locked away. IT hurt him to know that she fell for what everyone else fell for. Peter ruined everything he had left in his life after James and Lily had been killed. He was the reason Seneca and himself couldn't raise little Harry. Peter was the reason that he couldn't grow old with his love and create a family with her. He felt himself falling away into the darkness that surrounded him. There was no way out, no way he could ever find happiness again. Seneca was lost to him forever she thought he killed her friends.

Yet he couldn't stop thinking of her, if the truth ever came out he knew he would return to her. Even though she turned from him he knew he would go back to her with welcoming arms. She was his once in a lifetime love, he would never find what he had with her with anyone else. Their love went past sex and past physical need she made him whole in more ways then one. Before her he was an arrogant boy who cared for hardly anyone, but after her he was able to wake up and see himself not as the boy cast aside from his family, but instead the boy that rose against the darkness that held his family and chose his own path. He chose with his own free will to follow a path that took him from the darkness and put him in the light of the world. He never realized how great the world truly was until he left his family and their small ideas. He was able to see the bigger picture and in turn was happier then he ever thought he would be.

Even with Seneca turned from his side Sirius knew that he would hold on to hope that one day she would be in his arms again. One day they could have a family. Perhaps one day when the truth came out they could be a family with little Harry.

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><p>Petunia's wedding went by with hardly any problems, it was obvious James and Sirius didn't fit in, Sirius a little better then James but still there was only a few moments Seneca and Lily thought Petunia would get upset. It was obvious that her new husband held the same distain for them as well. It didn't bother Seneca nearly as much as it bothered Lily who still wanted to believe they could all be one big happy family. Seneca learned a long time ago you couldn't pick your family and no matter how much you wanted a happy family it just never happened.<p>

Sirius was beginning to change her mind on the idea of family, but still she knew thinking of Sirius, as family was still a long time away. Sure Lily and James were engaged, but she still doubted her and Sirius would be together longer. She had tried to get past her fear of having sex, but still every time she tried to have sex she flashed back to what her father did to her. Sirius touched her in a complete different way, he didn't force himself on her, he was careful and gentle, but not matter how different he moved or acted still a simple touch in a similar spot would make her flinch away. She tried to push past it, but every time she flinched away Sirius would just stop, he would say she wasn't ready and there was no need to rush. She worried soon he would go find what she wasn't giving him else where after all he had grown accustomed before her of bedding another girl every night.

"Love what's bothering you." Sirius said as he sat down next to her

"Nothing." She spoke softly still lost in her thought, in her fear of losing him.

"I have known you long enough." He said with a kind smile, "to know when something is on your mind."

Seneca felt as if a dam broke, she felt her eyes fill with tears she felt her voice crack as she spoke, "Why do you stay with me?" she asked, "I give you nothing in return you hardly can touch me in bed without me turning from you."

Sirius stared at her for a moment surprised at her out burst he had no idea she feared his thoughts on the matter of Sex.

"I stay with you because I love you." He told her shocked it needed saying, "Love isn't all about sex, you aren't ready for it." He paused knowing she hated having her father brought up, but he had to in order to make her know he wasn't going to push her before she was ready, he was willing to wait, "What your father did to you was wrong, he taught you to fear sex that it was only for his enjoyment, he should have never touched you the way he did he should have never forced himself on to a child." Sirius took her in his arms, "one day I will show you that sex is far more then something to be feared, but I will wait forever if I have to. All I want is your love, not your body." He paused, "Well I want your body because you are the most beautiful creature I have ever seen, but in order to love you and always want to be by your side we don't have to have sex."

"Everyone has sex." Seneca said, "Every relationship it's only normal."

"Then we will be abnormal until you are ready, love." He told her with a kind smile

"Why don't you leave and go to a woman who can give you what you need, because I don't know if I can ever forget what my father has done long enough to allow you to touch me in that way."

"One day when you trust I will never cause harm to you in the same way your mind will change, and if it doesn't then I am fine, I will never pleasure you or go else where." He paused for a moment then took her hand and moved the to floor to kneel in front of her. "Seneca I love you with all my heart, you are what makes me whole without you I would be nothing. I don't need anyone else in my life except you, no other women could captivate me the way you have. My heart will be yours forever and for as long as I live I will never seek anything from another women. I'll love you and you alone forever, so I ask will you be mine forever? To hold by my side, to protect and look over to know that when I come home you will be there for me open arms. And while I would like to have children one day there are more ways to have kids then just sex after all there are plenty of places out there to adopt. So I ask Seneca Mars will you take my name and become my wife?" He reached into his pocket and pulled out a diamond ring. The most perfect ring she had ever seen, while it wasn't big she didn't care. He knew she didn't like big rings and often said if she was ever to be engaged she wanted a small diamond, and now here it was in front of her being held by Sirius Black. She felt more tears fall from her eyes, but before she could even speak she felt her self nodding yes before her voice found itself to whisper a soft

"Yes, Sirius I will marry you."

He stood up a grin on his face as he slid the ring onto her finger as he placed a soft kiss on to her lips. "I love you." He said as he kissed her again

"I love you too." She spoke as she leaned into him and kissed him again. For the first time she felt herself really drawn to him she felt like she wanted to rip off his clothing. She had never felt the way she did before right now she kissed his neck and moved her head down to his collar bone and sucked on the wide of his neck, knowing she was going to leave a huge hicky, but he didn't care. He was still on cloud nine from hearing her yes.

She slid his hand down into his pants, the first time she ever had she wasn't sure she knew what she was doing but she let her instincts kick in. Reaching for his member she heard him let out a soft moan,

"Sen" he whispered, "We don't have to."

"I want to try again, I want you Sirius I want you to know I really want you." She wanted to have Sex with him she had for a while, but the fear of the past kept her from it.

Sirius picked her up and carried her to the bedroom, hardly taking a breath from kissing her lips. Once they reached the bed he slowly lifted his hands under her shirt feeling her breast with his hand, he heard her moan as he did. He smiled down at her as he lay on top he moved his head to her neck and kissed her neck, sucking on it working his way to her collarbone. He felt her hands under his body as they un buttoned her shirt, he moved one hand to help her the other hand to prop himself up. Once the shirt was unbuttoned he looked down at her, in the few years they had been together he hadn't seen her unclothed already they were farther then they had ever gone. He pushed her shirt aside and began again on her neck kissing and sucking this time traveling all the way to her belly button. He felt her tremble under him, but not in fear he could tell she trembled with pleasure.

He quickly pushed his shirt up over his head and throwing off to the side as she began to unbutton his pants. He could feel himself already growing hard and couldn't wait to shed his pants. He kissed her again and again allowing his hands to travel her body and work his way down under her skirt he gently slid her skirt off then her panties, all she had left was her bra, all he had left was his pants and boxers.

He took his time not wanted to move to quickly, not wanting any of this to end, but he knew if at any moment she seemed hesitant he would stop. Yet she showed to need to stop, she pushed his pants down along with his boxers he carefully kicked his legs free of them not stopping for air as he did.

Seneca felt her heart racing, she could feel him above her wanting more and for the first time she didn't feel any need to stop she wanted him to have her, she wanted to be his and his alone. She felt her heart sink wishing he could be her first, wishing she had never had any other man inside her, but no matter how much she wished it she knew that monster would always take that claim to her. She felt his hands reach behind her to unlatch her bra, she arched her back to make it easier, and once the clip was gone she wiggled free of it and through it aside.

They were both completely without clothing now Seneca could feel herself filling with excitement as his hands moved down her body, he took two of his fingers and pushed them inside of her using his thumb to rub her clitoris he began to push his fingers deeper he moved faster the more she groaned. He could feel her muscles tightening around his fingers and knew she was ready to cum.

Seneca let out a big moan as she came she felt more pleasure then she ever had, never before had she ever been touched to know so much pleasure. She could feel his hardness against her leg and knew he wanted to enter her, she knew he was ready.

Sirius paused for a moment, "Are you sure?" he asked

"Yes." She whispered softly, she wasn't complete sure how her body would react to having another man inside her. Before this day she had always felt fear and pain, she always felt dirty and never once did the monster care for her he only used her for his own pleasure without any care for the pain he caused her.

As Sirius pushed into her she felt herself gasp waiting for the pain, but it never came as she gasp Sirius paused and pulled out quickly, "I'm sorry I shouldn't-" he started but she interrupted,

"No please Sirius again, I want to I was only surprised." She said she was surprised by the fact her body seemed to crave him within her, it seemed to know now he wasn't going to cause her any kind of harm, just pleasure pure pleasure she had never felt before.

Still hard Sirius locked his mouth on to hers kissing her as he pushed himself into her again. He paused for a moment so she could get used to the feeling of him inside her then began to move slowly, he wanted nothing more then to move faster, but wanted to make sure she enjoyed what they were doing.

"Faster" she panted, "Sirius more." She gasped as she once again got close, She arched her back as to help him get deeper, she wanted him and she wanted him now. No longer did she fear this her body seemed to crave him like a drug.

He could feel her tighten around his member again as she yelled his name as she came again. Still wanting to make this even more enjoyable Sirius held off longer he pulled out and pushed himself back in trembling with desire as he did, she gasped again underneath him loving every minute of them being connected. He pushed into her again and again pulling out and pushing back in faster and faster.

Seneca felt herself gathering again working up to her climax again, she didn't know how much more pleasure her body could take, but still she wanted more. As he moved faster in her, panting and breathing hard she hit her climax again this time he came with her as well yelling her name as she yelled his.

He rolled over panting hoping what they had just done wasn't going to push her away, he hoped she had done this only because she wanted to and not because she felt he wanted to. He knew he should have held back, he should have waited but he had craved her for so long his will power had been weak.

Seneca exhausted lay next to him for a moment before she rolled over leaning on his chest and looking in his eyes, then when she spoke she truly surprised him, "we should have done that a long time ago." She said a smile on her face as she leaned down and kissed him.

Sirius laughed, "Yes" he said, "That was incredible."

"Nothing like I remember" she said softly

"No love, that is because I care about you, to me you aren't some toy to be tossed aside, I love you and will always treat you with care."

"I know." She said softly surprised with herself that she had just had sex. This time she had been so happy he had just proposed that her mind couldn't flash back to any negative memory, she had been so happy she couldn't help be lost in his touch and his embrace. She knew she wouldn't regret giving herself to him, because it was here and now that she realized Sirius Black would always be there for her. She was forever his and he was forever hers nothing anybody did would ever change that.


	10. Lost and Found

**AN- Sorry for the long time since my last update I just took a working student position at a riding stable and it seems I have hardly had time for anything and when I get home I crash on the couch and pass out. If you read my other stories you will also see I've been slow to update those as well, but since thins is the one I updated the longest ago I thought I would start by updating this one. Also I got a review from ****Huntress of the sky and remembered about it.  
><strong>

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><p>"I'm so happy for you Sen." Lily said with a smile as the two witches sat at the island in the kitchen.<p>

"Thanks Lil." Seneca said smiling as well, "I mean we weren't planning it, but I'm happy and so is Sirius."

"You two will be wonderful parents plus Sirius is still a kid himself so the baby will have a playmate." She joked.

Seneca laughed in response she didn't get to say anything else because to boys came into the room.

"Lil they have a real car and real muggle things here!" he exclaimed excitedly.

"That's the point." Lily smiled, "They are trying it out living in the muggle world."

"It's great." Sirius added, "It's a totally different world, not that I would trade our world for it but its still cool to live here."

"Do you have muggle friends?" James asked

"We have muggle everything they we have muggle neighbors and muggle mail men."

"Mail men?" James questioned.

"They deliver mail, they don't use owls remember?" Sirius added.

James frowned, "That seems like so much more work."

"It is for them, no difference for us except sometimes the neighbors think its strange how we have owls flying to and from here."

"Are they strange?" James asked.

"Not as strange and Sirius was to them when we first got here." Seneca told him. "But it hasn't been to hard for him to adjust to life here."

"Not at all and its interesting nothing what I'm used to." He added.

"What about your family?" Lily asked, "What do they think?"

Sirius shrugged, "Haven't spoken to them, if they know I bet they aren't happy."

"We're here." Remus called from the front door. The two couples hear Remus and Peter walking down the hall,

"In the kitchen." James yelled out.

"Hello." Peter said with a smile as he saw his friends no one noticed when his smile faltered just slightly at the corners. None of them had any reason to doubt him, but still he could feel it he knew he was a traitor, how much longer could he pretend to be happy go lucky Peter? How much longer until the suspected him?

"Hey." Seneca said with a smile getting up and hugging Peter then turned to Remus. "Long time no see." She smiled again and hugged him as well.

"It's been to long." Remus agreed glancing down slightly. It was hard sometimes being around his friends they all were moving on with their lives, growing together. It was hard seeing them so happy and together when he knew he would never find someone to love him and accept him. He knew he wasn't good enough for any woman. He wasn't even good enough for his friends.

"So what's the big news?" Peter asked in his small voice.

"Well." Sirius said with a smirk, "Sen's pregnant."

"Congratulations." Remus smiled.

"But you two aren't married?" Peter questioned

"You don't need to be married to have a baby." James laughed and the others couldn't help but echo his laugh.

Seneca smiled and glanced at Lily, "Go ahead Lil."

"Are you sure?" she asked glanced at her friend who nodded her head. Lily turned to James, "I haven't told you yet." She told him.

"Told me what?" he asked.

"Well when Sen wanted me to go to the doctor with her to see if she really was pregnant I went for her, but also for me." She told him she saw James freeze as his mind began to grip what she was about to tell him. "We are going to have a baby."

James stood frozen for a moment then a smile spread across his face he wrapped his arms around his wife and hugged her close.

"Now our kids can grow up together." Sirius said with a smile then frowned, "Let's just hope they don't get into trouble the way we did."

The group all laughed again knowing all to well if the children turned out anything like their father's the two couples were going to need all the luck they could get.

* * *

><p>Remus watched the young girl playing with the other children. He had been searching for a long time to find her. The girl looked just like her mother it pained Remus to see the young features of his broken friend. How long had it been? Three years? Four? How old did that make the boy now? He remembered the day so long ago when the child was believed dead, gone missing. Yet here she was, Remus was just about positive that this was the girl he was looking for.<p>

"Can I help you?" A woman asked. He turned to see an elderly woman smiling at him

"Err yes." He nodded his head, "I'm Remus Lupin I believe we spoke on the phone."

"Ah yes." She glanced over at the girl as well, "You were the one interested in fostering our little Lyanna."

"Yeah." He agreed not saying much.

"Come with me I'll introduce you and see if it is a good fit." She wanted this to be a good fit, the child he was interested was the only one she wanted gone. She had never thought that of a child before, but this one was strange things happened that shouldn't. Many people tried fostering her, adopting her but some how she always ended up back here.

Remus nodded his head, if the child was the one he was looking for then it would truly be a good fit. He had promised he would find the girl, he had promised he would care for her.

"Lyanna." The old woman said, "Someone is here to meet you." The little girl sighed, she was only six but she had already met many people, people who were nice at first but always sent her back in the end.

"Hello Lyanna." Remus smiled at the little girl who narrowed her little eyes.

"Hi." The child said.

"I'll leave you two alone to get to know each other." The woman said with a quick smiled, she didn't like spending time with the girl. She turned and left the two alone without another word.

"Are you going to make me go home with you?" she asked,

Remus looked at her with a soft smile "Only if that is what you want." She looked like her mother, but she had her father's eyes.

The girl wrinkled her nose the way her mother once had when she was mad, or upset. "No I don't want to you will just make me come back here."

"No I won't" Remus told the girl.

"Everyone says that." She mumbled, "Everyone always sends me back."

"But I won't." he knew without a doubt this was the child he had been looking for, that they all had been looking for.

"Sure." The little girl looked down at the doll she was playing with.

"You're six right?" he asked.

"Yup." She said, "Did the old lady tell you that?"

"You get into trouble a lot don't you?" he asked.

"Yup that's why they send me back here." The girl told him.

"Are you sure it's that or is it because strange things happen when you are around?" Remus asked. The little girl's eyes narrowed, but didn't answer. "When I was your age I used to get into trouble and even greater trouble as I grew up, but I also had strange things happen to me or rather around me."

"You did?" The girl put the doll down.

"Yes, but I was around people who understood, people who knew it wasn't strange at all." He paused, "I've been looking for you a long time Lyanna."

"You have?" She asked.

"Of course."

"Why?"

"I promised your mother I would find you." He told the child, "And I promised your father that I would always look out for you."

"You knew my mom and dad?" she asked excitedly.

"Yes, ever since you were taken from them we have stopped at nothing to find you." He paused, "I'm the only one left now."

"Did they stop looking for me?" Lyanna questioned.

Remus looked down, "I'm afraid your parents are gone." He lied he couldn't tell the child her father was a killer and her mother went close to out of her mind falling to the bottom of a whiskey barrel. "I'm all that's left."

"And you will take me home?"

"I will take you home and you will never be the strange child again, and you will never have to return to this place."

The girl nodded.

"Now come on, it's about time you came home." He extended his hand to her. She excitedly took it hoping this was truly the last time she would leave this place. She hoped she really was going home.

* * *

><p>Seneca sat on her bed the sunlight slowly fading away, she didn't turn on a light instead she sat motionless looking at the picture, the last picture she had of her family before it was ripped apart. That ten years ago. She carefully moved her hand across the picture brushing the faces of the man she loved and the product of the love they had once shared, their little girl. In the picture she had just turned a year old she sat in her high chair cake all over her face and both smiling parents on each side of her. She felt a tear fall down her face, only days later would they wake to crashing only to be to late by the time they got to her nursery she was gone, everything broken everything burning. She had asked a hundred times why had it been her daughter? Their daughter? They had looked for her for months, but nothing and six months after the kidnapping Sirius had turned to the dark lord. She wanted to believe he hadn't she wanted to pretend he was still the man she loved, but how could she? How could she forget him? How could she push away the feeling that due to his dark side their child had been taken from them? She knew the child was gone she wanted to believe she was still alive, but she knew that if the dark lord took her the baby would be killed, while she held blood of a powerful pure blood family she had also held the blood of a woman who had been muggle born, the child wasn't pure. "My sweet girl." She whispered as she closed her eyes. She tried to imagine what life could have been. Today would have been the day she excitedly waited for the post, she would have hardly the patients to wait for the owl once she saw it come into view. Sirius would grab the post and say her letter wasn't there and joke around before he gave the girl the letter. She opened her eyes to see her dark dusty cabin. She was how the muggles would say off the grid; no one knew she was here no one, but Dumbledore perhaps. She slowly stood up and walked over to her kitchen where she pulled opened a bottle of muggle whiskey. She didn't want to think of what was, or what could have been. She chose to lock herself away once she had someone to love, she had a child she once could feel something other them a cold sad numbness. She took out a cup and filled it again and again until the bottle was empty. Before she even knew it she was passed out on her bed hoping to no wake up this time.<p>

* * *

><p>"Remus!" Lyanna yelled excitedly as she ran into the living room where Remus sat reading the paper, "It came! It Came!"<p>

He hadn't told the girl of her father yet, but he had told him about his mother. Remus wished she was here now, he wished he had been able to find her, but it seemed she had just vanished. He knew it would put her back together to know her daughter was alive; her daughter was well and unharmed. While she wouldn't be whole he knew she would be able to pick herself up if she had someone to live for once more. Lyanna understood her mother had thought she was dead, she understood that no one could find her, the girl hoped one day they would find her, but she had found a happiness with Remus she had found a family. Remus realized he hadn't been listening to a word the girl was saying.

"I get to go where mom and dad met!" she exclaimed, "And where you learned everything and they did I can't wait!" she paused, "When can we go buy supplies?" he asked.

Remus smiled, "When ever you want." He told the girl.

"Let's go today!"

"Except today." Remus laughed, "It will be packed with people today we should wait a day or two."

The girl sighed but did not argue.

* * *

><p>"That's Harry Potter!" Lyanna said excitedly happy now they had put off the trip long enough to be the same day as Harry Potter. Remus turned to see where the girl pointed he almost felt his breath stop. The boy looked just of his father, but had his mother's eyes. He didn't go closer; instead stood his distance he didn't want to over step his boundaries the boy had to be overwhelmed right now. "Can we go talk to him?"<p>

"I would wait." Remus told her, "You have all the time at Hogwarts to meet." For a moment an image of the two children becoming fast friends came to his mind. Once again a Potter and a Black would cause trouble on the school he smirked at the thought, but allowed the smirk to fade, after all no one knew she was a Black for she went by his name now, Lyanna Lupin.

"I'm going to go get something." Remus told her, "You go get some books from the store, I already ordered them all you have to do is pay."

"What are you getting?" Lyanna asked.

Remus smirked, "Surprise."

Lyanna sighed, but did as she was told she went to the store and paid for her books, ass he was about to walk out of the store she bumped into someone and dropped all the books on the ground.

"Sorry." A boy's voice said as he knelt down and picked them up for her.

"It's alright I should have been watching where I was going." She told him as she took her books from him, "I should say sorry."

"I'm Harry." He said. Lyanna froze as her eyes focused on the person before them.

"You're Harry Potter!"

"Er yeah." The boy said

"I'm Lyanna, Lyanna Lupin." She said extending her hand out excitedly.

"It's nice to meet you." Harry told her smiling.

Remus turned the corner to meet up with Lyanna, but froze when he saw the two children standing together. He felt a soft pain in his chest as the two met. If life had gone according to plan the two would have grown up together, probably would be best friends by now growing up next to each other. Now both children stood together, both missing their parents, both without their family.

"I should go." Lyanna told him, "I see my uncle, but I'll see you on the train!" she hurried over to Remus. "I just met Harry Potter!" she exclaimed excitedly.

"I saw that." Remus tried to act like it didn't mean anything. "Do you think the two of you will be friends?"

"He seems nice enough." She shrugged and then her attention turned to the cake shop. "Can I get one?" she asked excitedly causing Remus to smile,

"Of course you can little wolf." He told her using her father's nickname for her.

* * *

><p>Lyanna sat under the sorting hat hoping for Gryffindor, <em>The daughter of both brave of heart<em>. The hat whispered into her mind. _Yet one is lost within herself, the other lost in darkness._ Lyanna was puzzled what did he mean? Both lost? She knew her mother was somewhere out and hoped one day to find her, but did the hat speak of her father as well. _Daughter or a traitor, or so believed_. Traitor? Who was a traitor? The hat pondered for a moment, "Gryffindor!" it yelled out. Lyanna smiled she had feared she wouldn't be put into Gryffindor, she wanted it more then anything to belong to the house her mother, father and Remus belonged to. She skipped over to the table and sat beside Harry.

"Hey you're the girl from the book store." He said recognizing her.

"Yeah, Lyanna." She told him.

"It's good to see you again." He told her,

"Happy to see you are in our house." One red headed boy spoke who had another looking just like him sitting to his left.

"Glad to be here." Lyanna said with a smile, she had always felt at home with Remus, but for the first time in her life she really felt like she belonged.

* * *

><p>Sirius watched her in his dog form he had only just broken out of Azkaban; he knew he should carry on his travels to get Peter he couldn't help but stop. He wanted to go to her to tell her he was back, but he knew she chose to lock herself away for a reason. He could see how broken she was, she had once been so real so full of life, but he had always known she was fragile her own father had made sure of that between their daughter being taken and everything else that happened he knew she was broken. He wanted a way to inside her heart again he wouldn't give up on her, but he needed to prove himself truthful. She locked the world away for a reason, but he could see a slight passion in her, a part of herself for once she was real once she had something lose once it was harder to lose her. Once she was unwilling to bend and one day he would make her real again, make her true to herself he would pick up all the broken pieces and glue her back. Sure she had fallen farther then she ever fell before he hardly recognized her anymore the light in her eyes seemed almost gone it made him want to scream to see how she pulled away. She had locked the world away, but everything that was locked could be unlocked once more. He would help Seneca, he couldn't help their child, but he could help her. For a moment he thought of the daughter they had once had, Lyanna. He didn't hold on to hope the child was still alive who ever took her took her for a reason to try and get Sirius to reveal the Potters, but once they figured that the secret keeper was Peter the child would be useless. He felt a sharp pain in his heart thinking his daughter was dead. He turned and trotted off, he would return to her once he set everything right, he would end Peter he would get his revenge on the man who took everything from him.<p>

* * *

><p>"Are you alright?" Harry asked sitting down on the common room couch next to Lyanna.<p>

"That's a stupid question Harry." She muttered, "How could I be alright?"

"Yeah stupid I admit it, but if you need to talk." He trailed off, "I'm here for you."

Lyanna sighed, "Why would you want to be here for me?" She frowned, "My father is the reason yours is dead!"

"That isn't your fault." He told her.

"And Remus never told me! All this time he knew and he didn't tell me!" she felt the tears pool to her eyes. He hadn't told her the truth he hadn't told her of her father. Had he expected her to never find out?

"Maybe it was for the best."

"I'm a Black." She muttered, "There isn't one good Black out there, all of them are bad, evil."

"But you're not." Harry told her, "I trust you."

"Your parents trusted my dad too." She muttered, "And I mean he must be the reason my mother is missing he must have done a real number on her Remus said she broke to pieces once I was gone or so she thought, once your parents died then she found out the man she loved was the one responsible for it all." She shook her head, "All this unhappiness is all his fault he's a monster! He was their friend!"

"I know." Harry put his arm around his friend. "I know Lyanna, but that doesn't mean you are like him, maybe you are more like your mother."

"Great is that you saying I'm crazy?" she half joked threw her tears.

Harry smiled softly, "Maybe, who knows wouldn't you rather be crazy then evil?"

"I guess." She told him as she looked up into his green eyes. For the first time she realized how attractive he was. This was the first time she noticed his eyes and the way he looked at her. How had she missed this? They were in their third year and had spent almost everyday with him and only now did she realize how he made her heart skip a beat.

* * *

><p><strong>AN-Sorry for how long it took to update, hope you enjoyed. The more reviews the more I'll be inspired to write I don't know what it is but when you know someone is enjoying a story then it makes you want to write it more. <strong>


	11. The Rat

**AN- Let me know if you guys are still interested in this story. Sorry for waiting so long to give you guys more. **

* * *

><p>"Lyanna has to get some sleep." Seneca said with a smile as she leaned in the doorway of the baby's room.<p>

"Say, 'come on ma only one more story.'" Sirius grinned holding the little girl in his arms.

Seneca laughed, "She's asleep in your arms."

Sirius looked down he smirked, as the little girl seemed so peaceful. "I suppose her play day with Harry tuckered the poor girl out."

Seneca glanced down sadly, "I wish this wasn't the last time we could see them."

"It isn't the last time my love." Sirius placed the baby down in her cradle. "Once the Dark Lord is defeated we all can be together again." He walked over to his wife and took her hand in his and led her out of the room.

"Then why do I have this feeling?" she asked him, "That something bad is about to happen?"

"My love, its about time you stop worrying." He grinned at her his eye's meeting hers, "Everything is going to be ok. We will defeat the dark lord. Lily and James will come out of hiding and Harry and Lyanna will be great friends growing up together at Hogwarts."

"I hope you're right." She whispered.

"I am." Sirius told her.

"But what if he finds them?" she asked, "What if he-"

"He won't find them we stick together no matter what. As long as we stand together no one can touch us." He smiled, "I promise you."

"Everyone has a breaking point." Lyanna told him, "Everyone even your friends."

"Our friends are strong enough to get through this I promise you we are." He paused and glanced in the direction of Lyanna's room, "Ten years from now we will be taking Lyanna to the train." He grinned, "We will see Lily and James doing the same thing. Together we will send the kids of to Hogwarts to create their own memories, to get into trouble just like we did."

"Just like you did." Seneca let a smile fall on to her face; "Remember I was a good girl until you sunk your claws in."

"Claws?" he grinned

"Should I have said paws instead?" she smirked causing Sirius to laugh.

"I love you Seneca Black." He whispered as he kissed her, "I always will."

When they broke away Seneca smiled up at him, even after all this time he still made every kiss feel like the very first one. "I love you too. No matter what you're stuck with my heart."

* * *

><p><strong>Ten Years Later.<strong>

Seneca couldn't help but visit the train station. She hadn't left her cabin in the woods since she first moved in. She kept her hood up as to hide from anyone who might recognize her. She hadn't gone through the portal yet she stood frozen unmoving. She didn't know why she came; she didn't know why she brought this pain on her. She remembered talking to Sirius about this day. The day they should have brought their little girl to the train station. She remembered Sirius grin as he spoke of meeting up with Lily and James and of Harry and Lyanna getting on the train together.

She watched as a family of red heads hurried through the station she smiled just hearing the mother's voice she knew exactly what family was making their way to platform 9 3/4. She watched as the twins and the older boys slipped through. Her heart seemed to skip a beat as she noticed a boy walking over. He asked Molly a question and nodded his head. She felt tears filling her eyes the boy looked just like James, but had Lily's eyes. She knew in the instant that the boy was their son, that the boy was Harry.

She watched as Harry slipped through followed by the others. She took a deep breath and moved forward. She didn't know what drove her forward, but her body just moved. Her eyes scanned the crowed once she was inside. She could see Harry looking around in amazement she smiled. She remembered how crazy this place had seemed for her and Lily. While Harry wasn't born of two muggle parents he had grown up like one. This had to be a shock for him. She felt the pain in her heart grow if life had gone according to plan Harry wouldn't be in shock he would be more then excited to get on the train and Lily wanted a hug and kiss goodbye, perhaps Harry would try and push in mother away not wanting to be embarrassed.

Not to mention Lyanna should be here she fought the tears again, her daughter was gone but that didn't stop her from imagining how this day should have been. She had imagined this day over and over again. She would tell Harry to keep an eye on Lyanna and tell Lyanna to watch out for Harry 'don't let him get into any trouble like his father.'

She couldn't take it anymore watching Harry it hurt to much she turned around tears almost blinding her. She bumped into one of the children. She quickly muttered a 'sorry.' Before hurrying away ready to disappear all over again. Perhaps if she had been paying better attention she would have noticed the girl she hit into had long black hair and grey eyes.

Lyanna stumbled backwards as the woman hit into her, she didn't get a chance to say anything as the woman muttered a sorry and headed off. Lyanna shrugged she must be one of the mothers that was sad to send her baby off on the train. She picked up the books that she dropped and hurried over to Remus who was pushing her trolley.

"There you are." He said glancing down at her, "Wondering off now? You take after your father."

"You always say that." Lyanna smiled up at him. "This time it wasn't my fault I promise."

"If you say so." He stopped as they came to the end of the platform. He could see Molly getting all her children up onto the train. His eyes fell on her youngest boy the one that was the same age of Lyanna. He smiled seeing them then his attention turned back to Lyanna. "You be good at Hogwarts."

"I promise I will."

"Let's hope when it comes to behavior you are more like your mother then your father." He told her.

"You always say that but you never tell me who my father really was or what he did." She folded her arms and put on a little frown.

"He was my friend." Remus told her not waiting her to know more, he never even told the little girl her true last name. He wanted to protect her from others in her family he didn't want her growing up with the burden of being a Black the way he had seen his friend.

"What happens if I don't get Gryffindor?" she asked.

"You will end up where you belong." He told her.

"But you, mother, father and most everyone we know was there that's where I want to be." Lyanna told him.

"From what I've seen without a doubt you will end up there. Now get on the train before it leaves without you." He grinned giving her one more hug goodbye.

Once back at her cabin alone and away from magic she thought back to the night Lyanna had gone missing. She remembered waking up in the middle of the night to find the nursery was trashed and the little girl was gone. Sirius had wanted to contact James right away, but then realized he couldn't. He told Seneca not to worry who ever took the little girl couldn't have gotten far, then five hours after finding the little girl gone there were still no signs. She heard the front door open she remembered rushing to the other room hoping to see Sirius standing with Lyanna in his arms, but instead the man stood looking defeated.

Up until that moment she had never seen Sirius defeated she had never seen him broken, but he changed after Lyanna went missing. That was when she first started to realize she was losing him. Everything fell apart after that night. Sirius lost his faith in his friends he grew even more suspicious of Remus. He hardly slept after that she had realized that the madness that affected the Black family had found its way to her husband.

She walked over to the counter and poured herself a drink with a sigh she would get lost at the bottom of the bottle that was the only way to stop the pain. She wanted to forget about Lyanna, about Harry, she wanted to forget everything again. She took the paper that Dumbledore had sent her and threw it in the fire. She could never go back she was to broken to ever be part of that world again.

* * *

><p>"Lyanna." Remus said softly as he walked over to the girl. They had just gotten home from the train station. He was surprised that the girl had held onto her anger until now. He hadn't even guessed while they were at the school that she knew who her father was. "Please, I didn't tell you to protect you."<p>

"Protect me?" she asked, "You told me he was your friend, you compared me to him!" tears filled her eyes, "You think I'm like him."

"No." he shook her head, "No. Your father wasn't all bad, not at the start." He sighed, "For a long time your father was a good man, my best friend he accepted me when I never thought he would. He was brilliant wizard always someone you could ask for help in class if you needed it. He was a good friend."

She shook her head, "He killed Harry's parents." She shook her head, "How could you never tell me?"

"He didn't kill them." Remus told her.

"He is still the reason they died." She told him, "And where is my mother?"

"I don't know." Remus said softly, "I lost track of her."

"How?" she asked, "I want the truth. Is she even alive?"

"Your mother wasn't like your father at all pretty much the opposite. Some very bad things happen to her when she was younger. She hated your father for so long, but some how they were drawn together. She had so many walls up the only one she trusted was Lilly, and her eyes something always seemed sad about them." He remembered the girl Seneca had been when she first came to Hogwarts she seemed so lost so ready to break at any moment. "In time your father taught your father taught her to be strong. But it wasn't until he defended her against the monster from her past did she truly start to smile, a light came to her eyes and I believe it was because she felt safe. With your father around she knew that man who hurt her couldn't get her again."

"Then what changed?" she asked, "If my father was so great what happened to him?"

"I don't know." He shook his had, "Losing you changed him. Even your mother saw it, so did I." he frowned, "He doubted me all the time he thought I was going to betray everyone. Before you were taken he always said the four of us always would stick together that no one could hurt us if we made sure to be there for one another. Then I suppose losing you pushed him over the edge he started acting different. He must have been trying to cast suspicion on me, I don't know even when I replay that time in my head I can't understand why he would sell them out."

"Because he was a Black, he's a monster." She told him.

"Not back then not by a long shot." He told her, "Something seems strange, something in him changed. The man he is now isn't who he used to be, out of everyone I every could have thought to betray their friends he would have been the last I would ever think could or would. He loved the Potter's I never thought he could hurt them."

"He did." Tears spilled from her eyes. "And my mother you said she changed he ruined her."

"Losing you and then losing your father and the Potter's the way she did was to much for her. She lost any hope of finding you again everyone believed you had died. She broke and locked her self away."

"Away where?"

"I don't know." He told her, "She's done a good job of hiding herself from any of us either she's using magic to do so or she went very far away."

"Or she's dead." She said softly.

"I don't think that." Remus told her, "She's a survivor."

"I want to find her." Lyanna said, "I want to find her."

He knew it shouldn't hurt, but knowing Lyanna wanted her real family made his heart drop. The girl seemed to know,

"You will always be my father, I want nothing to do with my birth father, but my mother I want her to know I'm alive, that I am here." She told him, "Please."

"I've never stopped looking for her." Remus told her, "I wanted to find her, I still do I wanted since the moment I found you to see the look on her face when she held you again, because even though she is broken without Sirius I know holding you would make her strong again, she would be strong for you I know it."

Lyanna looked at her adopted father for a moment, seeing his face talk about her mother she saw a look in his eyes she had never seen before. "You love her." She said softly, "Don't you."

Remus was surprised at the girl's remark, but he knew he couldn't lie to his daughter, "I always have."

"Did you ever tell her?" she asked.

"I never told her, I was never brave enough with my condition I never thought she could care for me, we were good friends though. And when I finally thought to tell her how I felt she only had eyes for your father and rightfully so. He helped her in so many ways, you might not understand it now but he was a good man."

"You were back then too and you still are, maybe if you had told her we could all be a family, maybe you still can when we find her." Lyanna said a smile on her face.

Remus shook his head, "No." he thought of Seneca he thought of her smile, her laugh and he thought of the way she used to look at Sirius. "Your mother will never love another man the way she loved her father, yes I love your mother, but so much has happened after everything we will always just be friends."

"One guy can't mean that much to someone." She replied.

"One day you will meet someone. One day you will understand." He told her, "What your mother and father had was rare, once in a life time. Anything less just won't feel right."

"How do you know all this?" she asked, "Did you ever have someone like that?"

"No." he replied, "Never. But I told you that your mother and I were good friends, she always told me about how she was feeling, we talked a lot, perhaps that was why Sirius tried to push suspicion onto me, perhaps he was jealous at our friendship. He always believed your mother too good for him, always said she should be with a better man."

"He was right." Lyanna muttered.

"That other man wasn't me." Remus smiled softly, "Your mother needed someone strong to help put her back together, I was just as broken as her, we would have just shattered together."

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><p>He looked into the darkness of his cell he took a deep breath as he shifted his position. So much of his body hurt, so much of everything hurt these days. He had been here for many years alone in this dark cell. He could hear voices of many people from his cell, but he cared for none of them. Most everyone in the other cells yelled half mad words calling out for their lost master. Others mumbled things that made no sense as they had met the Dementors kiss. Even without the kiss many people lost any kind of hope in this place.<p>

Yet Sirius held onto one thing and one thing alone. Her. He held onto the moment that he hoped would come in the future a moment where he would go up to her and tell her everything. He played the scene over and over in his head as he told her it wasn't him that betrayed Lilly and James, in this dream she believed him, in this dream she would fall into his open arms and all the distance that had grown between them in thirteen years would be gone. They would be home again with each other. Yet his heart always hurt as the same as it felt joy seeing this scene in his mind because he knew there should be someone else in his dream to make it perfect. Yet Peter had made sure that could never happen. He was the reason Lilly and James were dead that was true. Yet that night he hunted Peter down wasn't just because of his best friends that had died, but because he also realized who it was that came into his home and took his baby girl, it had been Peter.

His house had been protective spells that should have alerted him to someone in the house that could harm his family, but it wouldn't have detected Peter back then no alarm would have told him of danger even if Peter had snuck in. He felt all his anger coming back thinking of the man he used to call friend. He had turned on Lilly and James but he had also taken Lyanna away, he had kidnapped his daughter and taken her to the dark lord. He didn't regret a moment of what he did going after Peter, but he did regret not telling Seneca the truth not letting her know what happened.

He tried to focus his mind back on happy thoughts remembering the words his old teacher had told him he tried to think of the old mans words right now, 'Happiness can be found in the darkest of places if one remembers to turn on the light.' Seneca was his light in the darkness she was what would keep him together until he found a way out, until someone stumbled upon the truth. He knew Dumbledore knew the truth or at least had an idea, but just one person wasn't enough he had to prove he wasn't the monster that everyone thought he was, but how?

Leaning back on the wall of his cell his eyes fell onto a paper that had been placed in his cell. He frowned and looked around wondering where it came from. He got up off the ground and moved over picking up the paper. The cover held a picture that made him smile, he knew exactly who the family was, a large group of red heads. The Wesley's. His eyes fell onto the youngest boy, the one that would be Lyanna and Harry's age he smiled a sad smile wishing that his life had turned out different wishing in this moment he was in his home with his wife and daughter. Then his eyes caught something that made his smile turn to a frown. His heart began to race it couldn't be. He was looking at the rat that the boy held. No. He was alive, after all this time he was rotting here for killing the boy and muggles when all those years ago he had never fired any curse. Everything began to make sense he thought maybe his mind had grown confused in that moment. He had even begun to think maybe he had killed those muggles, but everything became clear now. Peter faked his own death, and took out those muggles. Anger filled him knowing that he was still alive. He looked at the door to his cell. He was going to get out of this place tonight if it killed him. He had to go after Peter; he had to make everything right. He would go after Peter and kill him this time for real.

It surprised him how smart Peter had been even Sirius had believed him dead now he felt like an idiot for knowing what happened, knowing Peter had pulled the wool over his eyes. His head snapped away from the picture again as he heard someone coming down the corridor. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath transforming into the dog form ready to make a break for it when the cell door opened he was getting out today and he would find and kill Peter making him pay for everything that he had done.

Peter was the worst scum imaginable; the group had always been loyal to one another. Sirius hated himself for turning from Remus back then he should have never doubted his old friend. Maybe when this was all over he could apologize to Remus, maybe he could have a life where his wife saw the truth, Remus forgave him and he could live out his remaining days free beside the people he loved. With hope he would be reunited with those he cared about, but first he had to end Peter and if that brought about his own end then he would just make sure he took Peter with him.

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><p><strong>AN- A short chapter but I thought I should at least give you guys something. If anyone is still interested in this story that is.<strong>


	12. The Album

**AN- I'm in the process of rereading the prisoner of Azkaban. I don't want to confuse anyone, but the flashback scenes are going to be about Lyanna and Harry's generation during the times in the book. **

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><p>"I still can't believe they were his friends." Lyanna said shaking her head as she sat with Harry looking at the fire.<p>

"What did Lupin say?" Harry asked

"That Black was once a good man." She told him, "That I shouldn't be ashamed to be his daughter because for a time he was good."

"Maybe he's right." Harry said trying to make sense of everything. His anger had died down over some time, but he wasn't mad at Lyanna it wasn't her fault that her birth father had been the reason for his parent's death. "I mean my father, and Lupin wouldn't have been his friend if he hadn't been right?"

"I'm a Black." She said sadly, "An awful Black."

"No you aren't." Harry told her, "It may be in your blood, but it isn't who you are."

"When did you get so wise?" she asked smiling up at him trying to will the tears out of her eyes that threatened to spill.

Harry began to turn red, as he was at a loss for words, he wasn't fully sure what he should do. "I er- I" he stuttered

"Lyanna." Came Remus voice from behind causing them both to jump. "I er-" he paused, "I thought you might want this." He handed her a photo album, "It belonged to your parents." He paused, "Lily made it when you turned a year old as a gift for them."

Harry looked up, "I have one like that."

"Yes." Remus nodded his head, "Your mother loved to document everything." He smiled thinking of Lily.

"So you really were good friends?" Harry asked.

"In school yes. They were the only ones that really were kind to me James and Sirius took me under their wing."

Harry wondered why no one else accepted Lupin, but his attention turned away from his question as Lyanna opened up the photo album.

The first photo was of Sirius on a broomstick smiling a very handsome smile. Lyanna's heart dropped when she saw her father's eyes, she had them. More proof she came from a monster, but in this picture he didn't look like a monster, he just looked like a young boy very proud with himself. The next photo was whom she assumed was her mother reading a book next to the fire in Gryffindor. She touched the picture her mother looked so plain in this picture, but something about her seemed so beautiful.

"Lily documented their relationship." Remus said. "At the times of these pictures your father never paid any attention to your mother, and she." He smirked, "She didn't think much of him, a play boy, pompous bully. Is what she called him? Hated that he was so confident with himself."

"What changed her mind?" she asked.

Remus turned the page and pointed to the next picture, "We had just won the cup and went out to celebrate. Lily always tried to get Seneca to go out and have fun, but she was shy girl and well she didn't like us. Lily pretty much forced her to come did her hair put her in one of her dress's and dragged her along." He was still smiling remembering that day. He remembered Seneca walking up to the table; he remembered Sirius's reaction. "This picture say's it all."

In the picture the group was all smiling for the picture everyone looking at the camera and while everyone stood pretty still Sirius's head kept turned to look at Seneca.

"She isn't looking at him." Lyanna said.

"No, it took a long time for her to even glance his way, he tried so hard, but she didn't want to just be another notch in his belt. She wasn't that kind of girl." He paused.

"But the next picture he's holding her, she's smiling at him while he spins her around." Harry said, "There are no pictures in between."

"No most of what happened between them happened over Christmas break when Sirius and James went to their house for Christmas."

"Their house?" Harry asked frowning.

Remus sighed, "I didn't think your Aunt told you." He looked between the two, "Your mother's were sisters, not by blood, but it started out with the Evan's being her foster family, and eventually adopting her. Imagine their surprise when they got two letters when the girls both turned eleven."

"What happened?" she asked, "What made her fall for him."

"It took a long time for your mother to open up to me, but-" he paused, "He saved her from her birth father."

"How? Why?" Lyanna asked.

"He did awful things to her, I believe your mother was a very strong woman, but what her father did to her left fractures in her soul that Sirius did a great job mending, but also made it easier for her to break in the end." Remus sighed, "What he did for her made her feel safe something she never did knowing her father was still out there, but with your father around I don't believe there was any part of her that thought he could get her."

"She was a witch." Harry said, "What could her muggle father do to her?"

"Sometimes monsters of our childhood have a very strong hold on us even as we grown." Remus said as he looked back at the book. The kids kept turning pictures and as they did he was able to relieve those years through his mind. With every picture he could see the couple falling in love, he could see a light coming to Seneca's eyes that all but vanished the night Lily and James died.

"This is there wedding." Lyanna said she came onto a picture of Seneca standing in front of Sirius their hands joined. The couple smiled at each other with James and Lily standing by their sides. They seemed so happy.

Remus couldn't keep the sad smile from his face looking at the faces of all his friends; back then in even the darkest of times they had found happiness.

He remembered back then how he had been, watching his friends find happiness and feeling himself slipping away. He remembered that night at Seneca's wedding she was the first one to notice. She had walked up to him and took his hand in her's and pulled him onto the dance floor, as they had danced she asked why his smile had changed. Until that moment he hadn't realized it had, but she went on to explain that while he smiled there was sadness in his eyes. She told him that it made her sad to think he wasn't happy. He had tried to deny it back then, but she wouldn't allow him to. She pulled him close and whispered in his ear that she would always love him and not give into the darkness that tried to pull him away she hadn't wanted him to disappear, she hadn't wanted him to hate himself.

The kids continued to flip through the pictures looking at picture after picture all were filled with smiling faces in almost every picture Sirius had Seneca in a loving embrace. Harry stopped and pointed to one,

"I have one just like this of my parents." He told Lyanna. The picture showed Seneca and Sirius holding each other and dancing while looking back at the camera. "I think it was the same place."

"It was." Remus told him, "Your parents did it then Sirius pulled Seneca to the same spot and made fun of them." He smirked, "If you notice in this one Seneca can't stop laughing."

Lyanna smiled looking at the picture, "Why'd he have to do it then?" she asked, "If he was so happy, if they were all so happy why did he have to ruin it all?"

"I don't know." Remus said, "I wonder that all the time. I truly thought they would be safe with him as their secret keeper. I truly thought he wouldn't say a word no matter what they did." He paused, "The only think I could think of is you."

"Me?" she asked snapping her head up.

"You were gone at that point." He told her, "My only thought is they took you to hold something over his head." He paused, "But that doesn't explain why he hunted down Peter. So my other theory is he went mad and if that happened then you can't try and rationalize his reasons." He cleared his throat, "Some times people do things and they themselves don't know why."

The next picture was of Sirius laying on the floor looking up at a baby and the baby leaning down and placing a sloppy kiss onto him. He then turned his head to smile at the camera while the baby giggled.

"That's you." Remus said smiling glancing at Lyanna, "And the next one, you are in." he looked at Harry, "This was the last time we were all together neither of you a year old yet."

In the picture stood everyone, Sirius, Seneca, Lily, James, and Peter. In the girl's arms were the two babies. Everyone smiling. "The last one." He said softly. "That night you were taken." He looked and Lyanna, "Everything was changed after that and shortly after Lily and James went into hiding." He sighed as the book closed. "I just wanted you to know." He looked at Lyanna, "You didn't come from a monster, because for a time he was a good man."

"That just makes it worse then." Lyanna told him, "He is worse then a monster because in the end he abandoned his friends." She paused, "But thanks for the book it's nice to see my mother. I never realized how much I look like her."

"Except her eyes." Remus told her, "You have your father's eyes."

* * *

><p>"Yes." Peter smiled seeing that Seneca realized everything, "I was their secret keeper, a secret your precious love didn't even trust you with."<p>

Seneca stood outside staring that the man she thought dead. After all this time he was here he was alive and showed everything she had ever thought was a lie. How had she turned from the man she loved that quickly? How had she ever thought he could do it? Everything made sense now. Peter. She shook her head she had been so stupid. She should have known it wasn't Sirius; she should have fought for him she shouldn't have lost herself.

She felt something awaken within her that she hadn't felt in so long. The fire she thought had gone out was blazing again. An anger she hadn't known she felt she was tired of being useless she was tired of being ordinary. "You ruin everything." She snapped at the man who resembled a rat more then a man. "You took Lily and James for your own selfish desire."

"Is it selfish to want to live?" Peter asked not showing fear, he didn't think Seneca had anything within her to hurt him, she was pathetic he had watched her, he knew her. He had loved her all those years. She hadn't noticed him. All that time when no one noticed her, he had. He loved her with ever part of him, but at soon as Sirius Black turned his attention to her that was the only person she saw.

"You are the selfish girl." He hissed. "All those years all I saw was you, and you never saw me."

"What?" she asked.

"The moment I saw you I loved you." He continued to hiss, "And you ignored me, every time I said something, every time I talked to you. You never saw me." His face wrinkled up, "But him, you saw him."

"Because you weren't a real man." Seneca snapped, "I'm happy I never saw you because no matter how much you loved me, I could never love a man that would sell out his friends. Lily and James how could you?"

Peter ignored her; "You crushed my heart so I crushed yours. I took everything you loved."

"Everything?" she asked her heart dropping. "It was you." Her attention snapped to that night when Lyanna went missing. Her heart dropped, "The spells wouldn't have worked against you, because we trusted you." She whispered, "You took her."

"I did." He frowned, "You were never very bright, but Sirius was, the night Lily and James died he realized everything. He knew I betrayed them and he realized I took Lyanna. He came after me."

"You killed all those people too and he took the blame." Her voice sunk low, "How could you do this? Of all people you were kind."

"I value my life." He told her, "And after you turned from me after you made your decision I made mine."

"You shouldn't." she snapped.

"Shouldn't what?" he smirked.

"Value your life." It's worthless. She hissed, "It's worthless." Peter's smirked fell to a frown, but he didn't get to say anything because Seneca started to speak over him, "Now tell me, what did you do with your daughter."

"Nothing." He smiled, "If only you looked for her, perhaps you would have found her, you abandoned her to a life of your childhood only no one saved her."

"No." Her heart dropped. She turned as quick as she could and ran into the house. She didn't see Peter turn into a rat so he could run faster. She burst through the door and ran to her dresser and began throwing the clothing out searching for her wand. She screamed when Peter turned back into a human in front of her. He lunged for her, but she jumped out of the way grabbing a vase and throwing it at his head.

"More fight then I thought." He smirked as he dodged enjoying this moment of fearlessness, after all right now she was nothing more then a little muggle without her wand, she was never strong, she was never gifted. He could over power her couldn't he? She didn't fight she didn't struggle she gave up and in a moment she would give up again.

Seneca's eyes glanced to her beside table; it had to be there. Only Peter was standing in front of it now. She felt a helpless feeling wash over her, what would she do even if she did have her wand. She wasn't powerful she was awful at dueling. Then an image of her baby flashed into her head. She felt a strength wash over her. She lunged at Peter and when she did the confidence fell from his eyes. He moved out of her way as she stumbled and fell into her side table hitting her head. Pain filled her as she felt blood begin to fall from above her eye where she hit the table. It worked. She reached inside and grabbed her wand and pointed it at her old friend.

"Wh-what are you going to do?" he tried to hold onto his confidence, but she wasn't doing what he thought she would do. He thought she would have fallen to the ground crying by now.

"Tell me where she is!" Seneca yelled, "Tell me where my baby is."

Peter shook his head and turned back into a rat and before Seneca could do anything he darted back out of the house.

Seneca fell to her knees holding her head trying to fight back tears. She needed to find her, she need to find her baby girl. Then an image filled her mind from three years ago. Back when she had gone to the train station, she had seen Harry Potter getting onto the train, it had been too much for her to handle back then and she had rushed out. While she rushed out she tried to figure out what she saw. Why did this memory come back to her in this moment? She closed her eyes and tried to see everything again.

Remus. Her eyes opened, she had seen her old friend, but he had his back to her as he was pushing a trolley towards the train. Why was he there? He didn't have a child Harry's age.

Then she remembered bumping into a girl she had hardly glanced at. She tried to remember the girl's face, but she had only looked for a moment and her eyes had been filled with tears.

Then almost like clouds parting to let the sun shine she remembered the girl. Not everything about the girl, but her eyes.

Her daughter had been at the train station, she had been going to Hogwarts. Seneca felt her mind racing, why hadn't she thought to look? She had gotten used to the idea that he daughter had died, but why didn't she hold onto some hope and wait at that train station, of course if she was alive she would get a letter, of course she would have been there.

Seneca stood up and looked at herself in the mirror. She felt everything within her awaken. She was going to find her daughter she was going to pull herself back together and then she was going to figure out a way to save her husband, and then they would be a family like they should have been years ago. She was going to leave this Cabin behind and never come back.

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><p>He was out. He wasn't sure exactly how long he had been free sometimes he lost track of time when he was traveling as a dog. He tried to keep his mind focused on two things, finding Peter and ending him and finding Seneca and hoping she saw the truth. He wasn't sure exactly which option he would go with first. As he trotted along he realized he wasn't sure where he was going. His feet just moved as if pulling him to an unknown source and unknown destination.<p>

He stopped when his eyes fell onto a cabin in the middle of the woods. If he was in his human form he would have frowned this was far from Hogwarts, far from where he wanted to be. He turned to leave when a smell hit him, as a dog he could smell things he couldn't as a human. The smell made his heart leap he could never forget who this cabin smelled like. Her smell was everywhere.

He changed back into a human and allowed his feet to move from a walk to a run. He ran to the cabin door. Pausing trying to figure out if he should knock or if he should just go in. Would she run from him? Would she run to him? He wasn't sure. All he knew was a simple door was all the separated him from the woman who kept him alive in the darkest of places.

He knocked and as he did the door slowly swung open. He glanced inside and saw no movement. He waited to see if anyone noticed the door, but nothing. He stepped inside still unable to find his voice. He knew this was her place he could feel her all around him. He frowned as he noticed a broken vase on the ground and furniture thrown around as if some struggle had happened here.

She wasn't here. He closed his eyes and tried to will his wife to walk through the door, but something told him she wouldn't. She had left this place not to long ago, but by the looks of this place she wasn't coming back. He had just missed her.

He changed back into a dog and trotted out of the cabin, there was nothing he could do to find her. Now he had to settle on the one thing he could do, find Peter. After he found Peter, after he killed Peter then he would be able to find Seneca but he had to make sure he kept Harry safe. That Rat was right by the boy's side, that Rat could strike at any moment if the dark lord returned he had to make sure he protected Lily and James's son.

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><p><strong>AN- I know Peter is a little out of character, but I always wondered what he would be like if he thought for once he was stronger then someone. In this he thought she was weak he thought she was weaker then himself so he thought he could over take her, but in the end he is just and always will be a coward. <strong>


End file.
